


new leaf

by 830am



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Hyunlix, Light Angst, M/M, OT9 - Freeform, Polyamory, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Seungchan, Slight Internalized Homophobia, Threesome - M/M/M, jilix, minbin, minsung - Freeform, seungjin - Freeform, woochan - Freeform, woochanbin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2020-05-02 08:15:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19195084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/830am/pseuds/830am
Summary: nine people don't just suddenly agree to be together; to be in love. it takes time.this is the story of how ot9 came to be.(self-indulgent poly ot9 love fest)[current tags are for completed chapters only, more will be added with each chapter]





	1. [intro] jilix + woochan

**Author's Note:**

> ohoho merry fuckin christmas y'all. merry christmas to me mainly because I love ot9
> 
> there is a STORY behind how they all got together. so this is gonna take a while but I hope you enjoy the ride. and after the ride is over I will be taking pairing requests!

Sometimes the best things in life start with something small.

For them, it all started with Felix. That night— the night they found out they would debut with all nine— they were all high on exhaustion and exaltation, but Felix became more and more quiet as the night went on.

"You guys," he said, his deep voice reaching everyone even over the noise. He cleared his throat. "Uh, I want to tell you something."

Everyone instantly went into support mode. They arranged themselves in a circle, hands on hands on thighs and legs all tangled together on the small living room floor. "Go ahead, Lix," Chan said. He had a feeling he knew what Felix was about to say. "We're listening."

Felix cleared his throat. His eyes were focused on the floor and his hands twitched nervously in his lap. Woojin noticed the boy's nervousness and slung an arm around him, lightly rubbing his back.

"I, um…" Felix closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm, uh, gay."

For a moment, there was complete silence in the room. Felix went on in a rush. "And like, I know people don't really support that here, but it's part of who I am and since we're gonna be together for a long time, I don't think I could lie to you guys and… yeah, I don't know, I just wanted to tell you."

This time, the response was instantaneous.

"Felix—"

"Hyung—"

"We love you no matter what, you know that—"

"Hey, don't cry, Lixie—"

"We would never judge you—"

And as the circle of boys turned into a squirming cuddle pile, Chan felt his chest swell with pride. There was a reason he had picked these people. Of course it was because they were talented at what they did, but there was _more_ than that. They were all kind. Open-minded. They had that spark of understanding and acceptance that Chan looked for in the people he wanted to be close to, the kind of people he wanted to spend his life with.

So, that was their catalyst. Just a little thing— Felix being brave enough to come out to them— but it started a cascade of events that would shape their future. In fact, the first domino fell not even two minutes later.

They heard sniffling, and everyone paused and turned towards the source.

"Jisung?" Felix ventured, his own voice shaky from all the emotion. "Ji, what's wrong?"

The other boy lost it. Tears started streaming down his face. Felix looked scared and Chan knew he was worried that Jisung was crying because of him.

Chan scooted closer to Jisung, pulling the boy into his lap and wrapping his arms around him. "You're okay," he soothed. "Do you want to tell us?"

"I— I—" Jisung was struggling to speak between his sobs and hiccups. "I n-never thought—"

Chan squeezed him tighter. He'd had a feeling about this, too.

"I thought I'd always h-have to h-h-hide," Jisung wailed. "I was so s-s- _scared—"_

He didn't need to finish his sentence. They understood. And then the cuddle pile started all over again, but this time focused on Felix _and_ Jisung.

"We love you guys, no matter what," Woojin said. He was ruffling their hair, an affectionate smile on his face.

"You never have to be scared to tell us anything," Jeongin added, forcing himself in between Felix and Jisung and linking arms with both of them. Chan smiled at the maknae's aggressively supportive actions. Everything Jeongin did, he did with conviction.

Changbin was sitting on the fringe of the circle, but his hand was in Jisung's lap, their pinkies linked together loosely. Seungmin was hanging onto Felix's shoulders, and Chan could see his eyes misting over. Seungmin was always a bit of a crybaby, second only to Jisung and Hyunjin. Hyunjin surprisingly wasn't crying now, but that was probably because he was trying to fit his entire body onto Felix's tiny lap. His limbs spilled wildly over, but neither of them seemed to mind.

Minho had gravitated towards Jisung, and was slowly but surely pulling him off of Chan's lap and into Minho's own. Chan didn't mind. The two of them had a special connection, and when Jisung realized who was wrapping their arms around him, he curled into the tiniest ball in Minho's lap and cried even harder.

Chan cleared his throat. "I'm really proud of you guys," he said. "All of you. You know how badly I want us all to be a family, and I just feel like you all showed that tonight— feeling comfortable enough with us to come out, and everyone else supporting your group members unconditionally." He was starting to get choked up. "I knew there was a reason I wanted all of us to be together."

And if they all cried a little bit that night, well— who could blame them? They'd finally made it.

Nine or none.

  
  


It didn't change much. Not right away.

Hyunjin climbed on top of Felix in bed, both of them shrieking with laughter as Hyunjin tried to squeeze under the covers and Felix tried to push him away.

Breathless, Hyunjin paused. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what?" Felix had made a blanket cocoon around himself and only his eyes were peeking out.

"When we're like this," Hyunjin started, "do you, like…" He trailed off, not sure of how to ask what he wanted.

He didn't have to, though. Felix understood him.

"I don't think of you guys that way," he said matter-of-factly. "You wouldn't get turned on from wrestling your sister, would you? Even though you like girls."

Hyunjin never really stopped to think before he spoke. He had gotten this far in life without it causing him too many problems, so he never really made an effort to change. "What if I wanted you to?" he asked. "Think of me that way, I mean."

Felix's big, round eyes fixated on him. "Do you?"

Hyunjin started pulling the blankets free. He hummed. "I don't know." The comforter finally came loose, and he gave Felix a triumphant grin. "I win!" And he leapt out of bed, Felix's blanket in hand, and dashed out of the room.

"Hwang Hyunjin, you bring that back here!" Felix screeched. He tore into the hallway in pursuit.

Suddenly the room was quiet. Woojin looked up from his phone. The younger ones tended to ignore him when they were playing around, which was how he liked it. He liked being on the fringe of things. Easier to watch over everyone that way.

  
  


"We are _not_ giving them sex ed handouts!" Chan looked at Woojin like he just grew a second head.

"Chan, I _literally_ just watched Hyunjin tell Felix he _maybe_ wanted to make him horny. While they were in bed together."

Chan opened his mouth, but seemed to think better of whatever he was about to say. He sighed. "Fuck. You're right. I don't know what I was expecting." The words were heavy but when he finished speaking, there was a small smile on his face. "I have a few things. I'll post them in the group chat after everyone settles down tonight."

Woojin cocked his head. "You have some things…?"

"Yeah, that's what I said," Chan answered lightly.

"Are you…?"

"I'm not gay." He crossed his arms and grinned up at Woojin. "But I'm not straight, either. Mostly bi, but kind of aromantic with women."

"I have no idea what that means."

Chan spun his chair back around to face his desk. "Well, read the handouts. Night, Woojin!"

Effectively dismissed, Woojin just shook his head and went back to his room to wait for whatever Chan had in mind for them.

  
  


**nine or none** _1_ _1:39 PM_

_misterbangchan_ : ok so because of reasons

_misterbangchan:_ i want you ALL to read these

_misterbangchan uploaded a file:_ _sexuality &you.pdf_

_misterbangchan uploaded a file:_ _safesexandetc.pdf_

_misterbangchan uploaded a file:_ _thesexualspectrum.pdf_

_misterbangchan uploaded a file:_ _consent &whyitmatters.pdf_

_misterbangchan:_ we totally don't have to talk about it, but I'm here if you guys have any questions

_misterbangchan:_ night y'all 🐺

**seen by: 8**

  
  


Just like before, things didn't change overnight. It took time.

  
  


“Ugh, I am _so_ sick of hearing about how hot Hyunjin thinks Arianna Grande is,” Jisung mumbled, flopping face-down on Felix’s bed with a giant sigh.

Felix put down his phone and smiled at the other boy. “I mean, she is kinda cute,” he said. “I can see it.”

Jisung groaned. “Not you too.”

“What? It’s not like I like her. I’m just saying, I see it.”

“I wish we didn’t have to do that.” Jisung’s voice was suddenly low-pitched and serious. “Be, like, diplomatic all the time.”

Felix just bit his lip. He got it, he really did. It was hard to live your life through a carefully constructed lens, adjusting your behaviors and your even your thoughts to fit everyone else. “Sorry, Ji,” he sighed. “It’s hard to let go of stuff like that, you know? I’m so used to it.”

Jisung’s face was smushed against Felix’s pillow. It made his soft, round cheeks even rounder than normal. It was cute, and Felix felt heat rising in his cheeks. He lifted a finger to check his pulse.

Normally, he never had… _thoughts_ about the others. Like he’d told Hyunjin so long ago, he really didn’t think of them that way. But there were times— like right now— when for whatever reason, Felix’s heart fluttered. When he suddenly forgot that they were his best friends, his band members, his _family_ , and instead he just saw them as people. Beautiful, _close_ people. And then he would start noticing little things; things like how pink Jisung’s lips were right now. How his hair fell into his eyes, and how Felix felt his hand itching to brush it away.

So he did. He reached out and brushed back Jisung’s long bangs, tucking some of the hair behind Jisung’s ear. Half of it fell back as soon as he took his hand away, and Jisung locked eyes with him.

“It’s not your fault,” Jisung said quietly. For a moment Felix was confused, and then he realized Jisung was responding to what he’d said just a minute ago. Felix snapped out of his weird moment and cleared his throat. He was about to scoot away when Jisung reached out and found his hand.

The other boy locked their fingers together and Felix's heart leapt in his chest. He wanted to swallow but his mouth was suddenly dry. Jisung's hand was so rough and large around his own.

"I wish we didn't have to be like this," Jisung said, half to himself. Felix frowned.

"You mean, g—"

"No! I mean, I wish we didn't have to like, cover ourselves up. Why can't I tell Hyunjin to his face I'm sick of hearing about all those girls?"

"I— I don't think we have to, Ji. Cover ourselves up."

"Huh?"

"I mean… everyone already accepts us. There's no reason… there's no reason we can't, like, be ourselves." He took a deep breath. "The only thing stopping us is _us_ , isn't it?"

"That's poetic," Jisung grumbled. But it didn't sound like he was mad. "I guess you're right. But I'm just so used to _not_ being myself…"

"You can be yourself around me, Jisung." Felix meant it, and suddenly he wondered why they hadn't talked about this before. It had been almost six months since their debut, and they'd never really had a heart-to-heart about it.

There was just a tiny hint of uncertainty in Jisung's eyes, and Felix's heart broke seeing it.

"Have you… have you ever done anything?" Jisung asked. His voice was small.

"Oh. Uh, yeah. A little bit. I was kind of out back in Australia. Just to my friends." Felix scooted down in the bed until he was laying with his head next to Jisung's, their hands still connected between them. "There was one guy… we messed around a little."

Jisung's eyes got bigger. "Yeah? Did you like him?"

"Um… not really. I mean, we were friends. But I think we were both more interested in just… doing stuff."

Remembering that time in his life brought back mixed feelings. It was exciting to finally, _finally_ catch up to his friends, and do the things he'd always heard about or seen on a screen. But at the same time, it had felt empty. "It was kind of depressing, actually," he said with a sigh.

"At least you've _done_ something. I'm a full-ass fucking legal adult now and I've never done anything!"

Jisung let out a frustrated groan and covered his face with his hands, then slowly let them slide back down to his sides. "Well, I did kiss a girl. Back in Malaysia. She was from Hawaii." He blinked. "Wasn't the worst."

"I've kissed a girl too. It doesn't compare. Like at all."

Jisung raised himself up on an elbow to stare at Felix, intrigued. "Yeah? Really? Why?"

"It's like… more real, I feel like. I dunno. They're rougher… like, I could feel his stubble on my legs when he— uh, wait, was I talking about kissing?"

Felix's face heated up. He couldn't believe he'd just said that, and with Jisung _staring_ at him like that, too.

Without warning, Jisung's hand came up to stroke Felix's cheek. "Stubble, huh?" he said quietly. "You don't have any, though."

"I-I shaved this morning." Felix gulped. For some reason this suddenly felt… intimate.

Jisung's fingers traveled down to Felix's jaw, brushing against the skin. "You missed a patch here." The pad of his finger caressed it over and over again. "It's rough."

"Jisung," Felix pleaded. He didn't know what he was asking for— more? less?— but he couldn't stop himself from saying the other boy's name.

And just as quickly as it started, the moment was over. Jisung pulled his hand back and giggled nervously. "Oh my god," he laughed. "That like, turned me on a little bit."

"M-me too," Felix said, and then they were laughing together. When they calmed down, though, Felix bit his lip. "You know, we could…" He couldn't finish his thought. Couldn't say it out loud.

Jisung frowned at him. "Felix, no." Felix's heart dropped to his stomach for a second, but then Jisung went on. "I don't wanna be like that guy. I don't wanna make you sad."

"No, no— Ji, you're not like that." Felix tripped over his words trying to get them out. "I already know you love me," he said quietly. "You tell me all the time."

"I do love you," Jisung affirmed. "But that's… I don't know, isn't it different?" As he spoke, he moved closer. His hand found Felix's again.

"I don't know," Felix whispered. "But I want to find out. Don't you?"

Instead of answering, Jisung kissed him.

It was soft and quick, and then Jisung pulled back. He looked at Felix with his eyes wide and owlish, like he'd just surprised himself. It so very _Jisung_ — act first and react later— and Felix found himself responding automatically, chasing Jisung's lips with his own and putting a hand around the back of his neck to pull him closer.

The sensation was familiar, but _different_. Jisung was smaller and softer than the other boy he'd kissed, so long ago now. Jisung's lips were plump and smooth, and Felix tasted mint gum on his tongue. And— Jisung seemed so unsure. He was usually so full of confidence, but his movements now were hesitant and shaky. It stirred something inside of Felix.

He threw a leg over Jisung and got clumsily to his knees so he was hovering over the other boy, their lips still locked together. He lowered himself until their bodies met, and when he pressed against Jisung, the other boy gasped.

_"Fuck,"_ Jisung panted. "Felix, holy shit."

"I know," Felix mumbled against his lips. Because he _did_ know. He remembered being in this exact same position, feeling something hard grinding against his own body, and how fucking _thrilled_ he was. How right it felt, but also new and intense— and even a little dangerous. _Is this really okay?_ he remembered thinking. _Can I really do this? Am I allowed?_

"It's okay." Felix didn't know who he was reassuring, but the words came out anyway. In response, he could feel the tension fade from Jisung's body and the other boy came alive beneath him. Jisung canted his hips up against Felix, and his hand tangled itself in Felix's hair, pulling Felix down closer against him.

The friction between them felt good. It had been so, so long since Felix had done this, and it was hard to stay in control. Jisung's mouth on his own was hot and greedy. Breathy moans escaped the other boy's lips, getting higher and higher pitched, and that should have been a sign but Felix was too far gone to notice—

" _Ah— hn— ahhh!_ "

Jisung clutched at Felix's arms, holding him still as he scrunched up his face— and came.

He immediately covered his mouth with his hand and laid there trembling. He wouldn't look Felix in the eyes, and he was blushing.

Felix laid down beside him. He brushed back Jisung's bangs and then put his arms around the other boy, trying his best to keep his erection from pressing into Jisung's leg. "Sungie," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

Jisung hid his face in his hands again. "I can't believe I came so fast," he groaned. "I can't look at you."

_Oh._ That was all? Felix felt a rush of relief. He let out a breathy giggle. "Don't be embarrassed. I was almost there, too."

Jisung looked out from behind his fingers. "Oh, my god. You still haven't come. I'm sorry, I totally didn't—"

"Hey." Felix pried Jisung's hands away from his face and placed a single, chaste kiss on his lips. "Stop worrying. Let me bring you a towel, okay? I'll be right back." With one more quick kiss, Felix hopped down from the bed and padded to the bathroom. His heart was thumping.

This was… new. It was different, being with someone you loved. Felix cared about Jisung more than he cared about getting off.

He wasn't _in_ love. Not yet. He didn't want to get married or have kids together or anything like that. But… he liked seeing Jisung smile. He liked making the other boy feel good. And he wondered, as he walked down the hall to grab a towel to wipe the cum away from Jisung's clothes, if Jisung would like getting flowers.

He smiled to himself. He didn't know what exactly was beginning.

But he felt like it was something good.

  
  


Chan looked up from his laptop. "Woojin," he said, "You look like a kid trying not to wet his pants. Are you waiting for something?"

Woojin stopped his nervous pacing in front of Chan's closet. He had knocked on the door a few minutes ago to ask Chan about dinner, which Chan had declined. Too much to work on. But Woojin still hadn't left.

"I, uh..."

Chan raised his eyebrows. It was unlike the oldest to be so unsure of himself. "You, uh…?" Chan repeated, questioning.

Woojin let out a big sigh and collapsed onto Hyunjin's bed. When he spoke, his words came out in a rush. "I wanted to know if maybe you could tell me a little more about a-aromanticism and— stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Yes, _stuff!"_

Woojin looked like he was really going through it. He was blushing furiously, and his eyebrows were knit together, giving his face a scrunched-up, frustrated look. It was the blush that gave it away, though.

"Woojin, are you… questioning some things?"

Woojin looked up at him. Gulped.

"... Yeah."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! drop me your suggestions for future pairings / scenarios and we'll see how it goes


	2. [ch2] woochan + minsung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is kinda like your sexual awakening or something."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! welcome to ch 2, sorry I'm so slow. 
> 
> we are slowly but surely making our way through all the setup! ITS COMING TOGETHER

"Okay," Chan said. He shut his laptop with a  _ click. _ He could tell that Woojin was dying to get on with it— he had this antsy, fidgety way about him when he was nervous about something. But he also knew that Woojin was more of a listener than a talker when it came to feelings. "Do you wanna start, or do you want me to?"

"You," Woojin said immediately. "Please."

Chan had an idea of what Woojin wanted to talk about. The oldest boy had been the first to notice that Jisung and Felix had started messing around, and ever since, he had been unusually interested in everything they did. It was unlike him. He was usually good at giving the others their space. 

He figured there had to be a reason for it, and it looked like he was about to find out. "Well. Jisung and Felix have been spending a lot of time together, huh?"

"I  _ know!" _ Woojin exclaimed. "What's with that? I mean, I get what they're doing, obviously, but—" He shook his head, unable to finish his sentence.

"But what?" Chan prodded.

"I- I don't know. It's just…"

"Does it make you uncomfortable?" Chan asked. 

Woojin frowned. "No, not… uncomfortable…" He fidgeted with his ring. 

"Woojin, have you ever been interested in guys?" The question was blunt, but Chan knew what he was doing. 

Woojin's head snapped up and he made eye contact with Chan, eyes wide. "I… No. Not in the past."

_ Not in the past, so… what about now?  _ Chan didn't ask it yet, though. Woojin looked like he wanted to go on. And he did. "Uh, you know how you told me a long time ago that you were aromantic with women?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," Chan replied. "When I sent out the handouts." He chuckled at the memory.

"Yeah. So, I read them, and I looked up some stuff on my own. And I was reading about asexuality, too." He bit his lip and Chan felt so bad for him— he looked so nervous. Chan rolled his desk chair close to the older boy and took his large hand in his own smaller one. Woojin gave him a small, grateful smile before continuing.

"When I was in school, I thought something was wrong with me. I had girlfriends. I  _ liked _ them. But… I didn't wanna… do stuff with them." He cleared his throat. "I thought I was messed up. And I just never thought about guys, you know? Because that wasn't allowed.

"And I didn't realize until I looked into it that you could be, like, asexual for one gender but not for the other." He stopped and let out a huge sigh, leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes for a moment. "It's just a lot to think about."

"You're right," Chan agreed. "It can be a lot." He squeezed Woojin's hand. "Can I repeat what you just told me? To make sure I get you?" It was something he'd learned from his therapist— it helps prevent misunderstandings, and also makes people feel like you're really listening to them. "So you feel romantic attraction towards women, but not sexual. Right?" 

Woojin nodded, and Chan chuckled. "So the opposite of me, huh?" Woojin let out a small laugh with him, and Chan went on. "And you never let yourself think about the same gender before. But now that Jisung and Felix are messing around, you're starting to get curious. Am I getting this right?"

"Painfully right," Woojin groaned. "Chan, I can't stop  _ thinking  _ about them. It's fucked up. Whenever I see their door closed, I just— I keep thinking about what they're doing with each other. And I—" He cut off abruptly, his face suddenly bright red. 

"You?" Chan prompted. Woojin just shook his head from side to side, blush intensifying. "You know you can tell me anything, Wooj. But I won't push you." And Chan started to pull his hand away— but Woojin stopped him. When the oldest spoke, it was in a whisper.

"Chan, it— it turns me on. Like crazy." 

Woojin was still for a moment, as if the words had paralyzed him. Then he tore his hand away from Chan and put his head in his hands. "I feel so weird."

"Hey, hey," Chan said softly, pulling Woojin's hands down. "You're not weird, Woojin. That's totally normal."

Woojin snorted derisively. "Yeah, right."

"It is! When BamBam started hooking up with another trainee, I couldn't leave them alone. I was like, obsessed with whatever they were doing. It was because it was my first exposure to actual, real-life sex. And since you never let yourself think about guys that way, this is kinda like your sexual awakening or something."

Silence. For a moment Chan was worried he'd just made things worse— but then he heard a snort, followed by wet-sounding laughter. 

"You idiot," Woojin said through laughs and sniffles. He was crying and laughing at the same time. "You could give the JYP therapists a run for their money." He paused to press his sleeves to his eyes. "Thanks, Channie."

"I'm always here for you," Chan said. He meant it. He was here for all of the members, whenever they needed him. Whatever he could do, he would. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Woojin was the third domino. The third to fall. 

"Lix, let's go to bed," Jisung whined. It wasn't such a strange thing for him to say— they did room together, after all— but only in the past few weeks had they started going to bed as a pair. Chan was certain the others had to notice, but so far, nobody except for Woojin seemed to pick up on it. Changbin, their only other roommate, tended to stay up late anyway. 

At Jisung's whine, Felix put down his controller. Color came into his cheeks, but nothing too obvious. "Kay," he said, a small little smile forming on his lips. "I just have to put this away, I'll be there in a sec."

Jisung skipped away down the hallway to the bathroom. Chan heard the water turn on and the buzz of an electric toothbrush follow shortly after. 

When Felix finally joined Jisung in the bathroom, he pulled the door shut behind him. Unusual. Chan glanced over at Woojin.

Just as he expected, Woojin's eyes were fixated on the bathroom door. As Chan watched, a blush crept over Woojin's face and he shifted around, tilting his head towards the door. Listening. 

Chan wanted to smile, but he kept his face neutral. Watching Woojin like this really did remind him of himself so long ago, coming to terms with the things he'd been too young and nervous to face. Woojin was just a little late, that's all. 

An eruption of giggles came from the bathroom and Woojin jumped. Felix and Jisung dashed into their room, laughing, and the door slammed shut behind them.

Chan could tell that Woojin was itching to get up, and decided to help him out. "Woojin, I still can't find my phone charger. Could you help me look for it? I think you might've moved it when you cleaned this morning."

"Huh?" Woojin looked at him slowly, like he hadn't been listening. "Oh, yeah. Sure."

When they got to their room, Woojin got down on his hands and knees, peering under his bed. Chan laughed softly to himself. 

"I didn't really lose it."

Woojin craned his neck around to stare at Chan, confused. "What?"

"My charger. I have it. You can get up," Chan laughed. 

"Huh? Why did you bring me in here, then?"

"You seemed like you were really going through it." Chan shrugged. "I thought I'd give you a break."

Woojin groaned and sat down on the floor, head in his hands. It was starting to be the only position Chan saw him in lately. 

"What do you think they're doing?" Woojin asked, voice small and muffled.

"Um? I don't know. Sucking each other off, probably."

Woojin blanched. "R-really?" he choked out. 

"Well, how long has it been?" Chan counted on his fingers. "Like three weeks, right? So they're probably not fucking yet, but I'm sure they're past hand jobs."

"Fuck. Chan, what the  _ fuck?"  _ Woojin's voice came out in a strangled whisper. 

"Woojin. Hey." Chan knelt down next to the older boy and placed a hand on his knee. "You need to relax." 

"How can I fucking  _ relax?  _ They're like  _ right  _ next to us and you say they're  _ blowing  _ each other—"

" _ Woojin." _ Chan said insistently, slowly slid his hand higher until it rested on Woojin's thigh. He squeezed. "I can help you."

Woojin stilled. He looked up at Chan, expression confused, but… inquisitive.  _ Good.  _ Chan had gambled on this one, but it seemed like his intuition might be right. 

"What do you mean?" Woojin asked bluntly. He was never one to dance around a subject, and Chan loved him for that— and for a million other little reasons. 

"I mean," Chan said, moving his hand up even further, caressing the top of Woojin's thigh, "that you're torturing yourself." He thumbed the creases of the thin denim,  inches away from the noticeable bulge of Woojin's crotch. "But you don't have to. Instead of just going crazy over those two, why don't you just… try it yourself?" Chan's voice sounded confident, but inside he was shaking. He wanted this. He'd wanted it for so long. But if he got rejected now— if Woojin turned him away— that was it. The end of the small sliver of hope that had been growing inside of him. 

After a silent moment that seemed to stretch on forever, Woojin looked away and Chan's heart sank. But then Woojin spoke.

"I'm not gonna—  _ use  _ you like that, Chan."

Sweet Woojin. Beautiful, caring,  _ loving  _ Woojin. There was a reason all of the members came to him with their problems, came searching for a shoulder to cry on. Because he actually cared. 

"It's not like that," Chan said. "It wouldn't be like that." 

"I'm not just gonna make out with you to see if I'm  _ gay  _ or not! That's so— so—"

"I don't  _ want _ you to do it just to test something," Chan finally admitted in a whisper. Now  _ he  _ was the one averting his gaze to the floor. He couldn't look Woojin in the eyes. "I want you to want it, Woojin. With… with me."

Silence.

"Are you…?" Woojin's words were an unfinished question.

"Am I confessing that I want to kiss you right now? And I want you to kiss me back? I didn't plan on it, but… yeah. I am."

Their room was dark and silent. Only Chan's mood light was on, casting everything in a faint pink glow. The only sound was the sound of their breathing.

And then Woojin moved. Slow and determined, like he always was, no sign of hesitancy at all. Woojin never did something unless he was committed. Slowly, he moved his hand up Chan's arm, fingers light and slightly rough, all the way to Chan's neck. He slipped it behind Chan's head, fingers finding their way through Chan's curls— and then Woojin pulled him in close. 

When their lips met, Chan's eyes were wide open.

He quickly squeezed them shut in a panic. His heart was racing and it thundered in his ears, and by the time he calmed down enough to focus on Woojin's lips against his own, they were gone. 

Chan's eyes fluttered open. He'd never felt like this after a kiss.  _ Never.  _ He felt— electric. Like Woojin's lips drove a current straight through his body, leaving him breathless... and eager for more. 

Their eyes met. Chan couldn't read Woojin's gaze— he never could. Questions, so many questions were racing through his mind—  _ did he like it? does he hate me? did— _

His back hit the floor. Not hard, because when Woojin pushed him over ( _ when did that happen? _ ), he'd wrapped an arm around Chan's body, cushioning the impact. 

Woojin's mouth was exploring the skin of Chan's neck, his wiry hair brushing against Chan's jaw, their bodies pressed close together, and— Woojin was  _ hard _ . Chan felt it through their clothes as Woojin pressed unashamedly against him and Chan couldn't help it, he gasped for air. 

His gasp was cut off by Woojin's mouth on his again. Chan had the sense to actually pay attention to the kiss this time, and it was everything he'd always imagined it would be. Woojin's skin was slightly rough with stubble, lips thin but soft and insistent against Chan's own.  _ I wonder if I'm his first kiss.  _ He doubted it— Woojin was too good. The older boy coaxed Chan's lips open and slipped his tongue inside, sliding it against Chan's. Chan had never really liked using tongue— it felt slimy and gross and just made him think of all the bacteria and food bits he was probably ingesting— but with Woojin, for once he didn't mind. He let himself be invaded, explored, and was so deep into it that when he felt Woojin's hand ghost over his erection, he gasped. 

Woojin pulled back. "Is this not okay?" He looked worried, all of the confidence from a moment ago gone. 

"Nonono," Chan said quickly, a little out of breath. "It's just—  _ I'm  _ supposed to be helping  _ you." _ He felt a blush creeping into his cheeks. "But you're the one turning me into a mess here." 

Woojin leaned in to kiss him again. "You  _ are _ helping me," he mumbled against the corner of Chan's lips. "I've never wanted to kiss someone as badly as I wanna kiss you, right now." 

_ Oh.  _ Wow. 

The words shut him up, and Chan laid back and closed his eyes and let himself be loved. 

Woojin went back to exploring Chan's skin with his lips, placing light kisses all over Chan's neck and jaw and collarbones. When he tried to undo the button on Chan's jeans, he fumbled with it, awkward fingers trying again and again until Woojin pulled away with a huff to undo it properly. They locked eyes, and both giggled. 

"Can I— can I look at you?" Woojin asked, almost shyly. 

Chan nodded. He lifted his hips and Woojin tugged down his pants, letting them bunch at his knees, covered only by his black briefs. Woojin dragged a finger along the waistband. It made Chan shiver. 

He'd always liked Woojin's hands. They were large and the pads of them were always dry and slightly rough. He was one of the few members who kept his nails habitually short— and unlike Chan, he didn't bite the skin around them. 

They were pretty. 

And they felt amazing now, grazing the skin of Chan's belly, inches away from his fully hard cock. 

He couldn't stand it anymore. Being looked at, being teased. So Chan hooked a thumb in the bright red waistband and jerked his underwear down, letting his erection spring free and releasing the elastic with a sharp  _ snap. _

Woojin's eyes fixated on him, and Chan had to squash a feeling of smugness. He liked how he looked. He knew his size was more or less average, but he was thicker than most and his veins stood out against his pale skin. He'd seen enough dicks in his life to be happy with his own— and it seemed like Woojin was happy with it, too. 

The older boy reached out and brushed Chan's length with his fingers. The touch was light, but Chan still shivered at the contact. It had been so long for him— the last time he'd hooked up was before their debut, and the amount of times he'd dreamed about this just made it that much more intense. He arched up into Woojin's touch. 

A small smile passed over Woojin's face, and he wrapped his fingers around Chan in earnest, swinging a leg over Chan's body so that Woojin was on all fours above him. He began moving his hand up and down Chan's cock, mouth finding the skin of Chan's neck again. 

"I don't know what I'm doing," Woojin mumbled between kisses. Chan moaned; he wrapped his arms around Woojin’s back, closing the distance between them.

"Yes, you do,” Chan said breathlessly. “Trust me.”

He let Woojin work on him for a few moments longer, just enjoying Woojin’s unpracticed touch and the sensation of being so close. He could smell the aftershave Woojin had used this morning, mixed with the cloying scent of the hairspray their stylists always liberally coated them with. And something else, too. Something he’d never been close enough to the older boy to ever notice before— a faintly sweet smell, like honey and almonds mixed with the barest hint of sweat. 

He got too close too fast, though, and had to push Woojin off of him. The older boy looked startled, and Chan had to grin. Woojin’s face was all flushed, and his hair was sticking up at odd angles from Chan’s hands running through it. It was adorable and sexy all at once, and Chan was suddenly filled with a surge of desire. He wanted to make Woojin moan, wanted to make him shake, wanted to make him come so hard he couldn’t stand up after. He just  _ wanted _ .

Woojin was propped up on an elbow on the floor where Chan had pushed him, right in front of Chan’s bed. Chan got to his knees and moved forward, placing his hands on Woojin’s shoulders and easing him back towards the bed. In seconds, Woojin was sitting up straight with his back resting against the edge of the bed; Chan hovered over him on his knees. He leaned down and brought their lips together, nibbling on Woojin’s bottom lip while his hands deftly undid Woojin’s buckle. They were exactly reversed from just a few minutes ago.

“Is this okay?” Chan mumbled against Woojin’s lips. He didn’t want to push him. That was a surefire way to fuck up someone’s first time. 

“Y-yeah,” Woojin said, his breath hitching. “God, please.”

Not a second later Chan’s hand was inside Woojin’s pants, skin-on-skin, and Woojin was gasping in his ear. With his other hand Chan pulled the waistband of Woojin’s briefs down, freeing the older boy’s erection. Chan took it immediately in his hands, only a little surprised at the size of it, and slowly fisted it up and down. Woojin squirmed beneath him.

“Shit, shit,  _ shit,”  _ Woojin breathed. He broke away from Chan’s lips and leaned his head back against the bed.  _ His neck is so hot _ . Chan wanted to taste it— so he did. Latched his mouth onto the delicate skin, wanting to suck but knowing he couldn’t leave a mark. 

Woojin was unable to sit still beneath him. The older boy kept writhing, his hips bucking up to meet Chan’s strokes and his hands clutching at anything they could reach.

“I wanna make you come,” Chan whispered. 

Woojin moaned. “Please, Channie, please—”

Chan wanted to jerk both of them off together, but his hand was too small to fit both of them. He rutted pathetically against nothing— he wanted  _ friction _ — and then Woojin’s hand was around him, rhythmless and not quite tight enough but fuck, it still brought him right to the edge in seconds.

As they got closer both of them went silent, bodies tense and coiled, trying to reach that feeling that was so close but still just out of reach. Chan was there, really, but he didn’t want to come before Woojin so he fought it, keeping his stomach clenched until Woojin let out a strangled moan and Chan felt hot, thick liquid running down his hand. He thrust into Woojin’s grasp— once, twice— and then came, all over Woojin's shirt. 

For a moment they didn't move; just rested their foreheads against each other and caught their breath. Then Chan sat back on his heels, taking in the sight before him. 

Woojin was still panting and his face was still flushed. His cock was out, covered in his own cum. And right as Chan watched, a sweet, shy smile grew on his face.

"Wow," he said. "Just.. wow."

Chan gave him a goofy grin in return. "Still have questions?" he asked playfully. 

"Yeah," Woojin said. "When can we do that again?"

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Yah, Jisung," Minho called, catching the younger boy around the waist and pulling him down into Minho's lap. Jisung made a little  _ oof  _ sound and giggled. 

"You never sleep in my bed anymore," Minho complained. "Are you leaving me for Felix?" His tone was playful, but there was a sad sort of look in his eyes. 

Jisung didn't catch it, though. "Hyung, you're the only love of my life," he joked. "I would never leave you." 

"Sleep with me tonight, then."

"Okay!" And Jisung bounded off the bed, flashing Minho a cheeky grin. "It's a date."

But when night rolled around, Felix's voice rang out as it always did. "Sungie,  _ beddd," _ he whined. 

Minho held his breath. 

"Okay!" Jisung called from the kitchen. "Gimme a sec!"

He let his breath out. Stalked towards his room. Slammed the door.

And when he went to sleep that night, he was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it! the first few chapters are all planned out already, but tell me what you wanna see in future chapters~


	3. [ch 3] minsung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did things get so fucked up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so nervous about writing minsung because I know they're a popular ship but I've never written them before... 
> 
> this chapter gets a little rough but I hope you like it anyway

Minho tried to ignore it. He really did. 

But he _couldn't._ He knew he was a hyung and he should be mature and responsible, but every time he saw Jisung and Felix together a horrible mix of irrational feelings coursed through his body. 

Jealousy. _Jisung only spends time with Felix now._

Anger. _It's not fair._

And… possessiveness.  _Jisung is_ **_mine_ ** _._

He knew he needed to control it. He shouldn't bristle whenever Felix walked into the room. Shouldn't jerk away when Jisung brushed up against him. He _shouldn't—_ but he did. 

"Minho."

Chan's voice was stern. Upset. 

Minho gritted his teeth. For the millionth time that week, he _knew_ he needed to calm down. He pinched the inside of his arm. "What," he responded flatly.

The leader gave him a sideways look. Like he was about to be angry, but was still giving Minho a chance not to fuck it up. Woojin, who had been standing behind Chan and resting his chin on the leader's shoulder, pulled away with a lingering touch on Chan's waist. They'd been doing that a lot lately, acting all close and coupley. Minho would have been curious about it if he didn't spend every waking moment being consumed with jealousy. 

It was a very tiring emotion. 

Woojin left the kitchen, leaving Chan and Minho alone. Chan sighed as he poured a glass of pineapple juice. 

"Something is bothering you lately," Chan finally said. 

He should confess. Come clean. It wasn't like Chan would judge him— in fact, he would probably be sympathetic and cut Minho some slack. 

He should. But of course he didn't. 

"Not really," Minho said. He shrugged. "Just tired, I guess."

Chan just looked at him. "Okay," he said lightly. "Get some more sleep, then." His way of telling Minho, _deal with it._

"Yup."

  
  
  
  
  


Changbin put his ear up to the door. He could _hear_ the muffled sounds of people inside. 

Woojin and Chan were both in their room, obviously. So why weren't they answering his texts?

 

_8:45 PM_

**nine or none** [9]

 _babybean:_ heyyyyyy

 _babybean_ : I can hear you guys :(

 _babybean:_ let me in!! >:(

 

_8:49 PM_

_babybean:_ GOD IM SO BORED WHY IS EVERYONE HANGING OUT WITHOUT ME

 

_8:50 PM_

_prince:_ awww

 _yinyang:_ the baby is lonely

 _prince:_ you're the baby???

 _babybean:_ shut UP I'm not a BABY WHERE ARE YOU GUYS

 _prince:_ movies :( sorry hyung

 _yinyang:_ hyunjinnie-hyung bought my ticket!

 _babybean:_ have you ever paid for anything in your life innie

 _yinyang:_ I BOUGHT YOU ICE CREAM LAST WEEK

 _prince:_ that was like two months ago innie

 _prince:_ put your phone away the movies starting

 _babybean:_ you guys suck

 _babybean:_ JISUNG? FELIX

 _babybean:_ MINHOOOOOOOOO

 

_8:56 PM_

_babybean_ : nobody loves me >:'(

  
  
  
  


Chan flopped down beside Woojin on the bed, panting heavily. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Woojin pulled off his shorts, wiped himself clean with them, and then threw them towards the hamper, laying there in just his boxers. 

"Shit," Chan said, looking at his phone. He scrolled through all his notifications and sighed. "Check the group chat."

Woojin did, and his mouth turned into a thin, worried line. "Fuck."

Changbin's words seemed comical. But both of them knew that below the whiny, exaggerated surface, Changbin was incredibly insecure. He needed constant reassurance, and if he felt like he was being left behind— it wouldn't be good. 

Chan walked towards the door and threw it open. "Changbin?" he called. 

Seconds later, they heard the padding of socked feet making their way through the apartment. When he showed up, Changbin was pouting. 

"I _knew_ you were in here," he huffed in the doorway.

"Sorry, Binnie," Chan said sheepishly. 

"Come lay down," Woojin said from the bed. Changbin happily darted towards him, launching himself onto the bed and immediately curling up next to Woojin. He wrinkled his nose.

"It smells like cum in here."

Chan and Woojin looked at each other, and both of them burst out laughing.

  
  
  
  
  


"Shit."

Jisung sat up in bed, his eyes suddenly wide open. Beside him, Felix stirred. 

"What is it?" the blonde boy mumbled sleepily. 

Jisung smacked himself on the forehead. _Stupid._ "I just remembered," he groaned. "I think I stood Minho up a few days ago."

Felix blinked. His eyes sparkled even in the darkness. "A few _days_ ago? And you just remembered now?"

"Wow, way to make me feel worse, thanks."

Felix reached out and started rubbing Jisung's back. "Sorry, Ji. I didn't mean it." He yawned. "What happened?"

"He said…" Jisung trailed off, thinking. "He said I abandoned him for you. He was joking, but I told him I'd sleep with him that night and I totally forgot." He groaned and fell back onto the pillow. "I'm the worst."

"You're not the worst," Felix said softly. He pulled the duvet back up over Jisung and snuggled in close to him. "We have been spending a lot of time together lately, huh?"

"I think that's an understatement."

Felix looked Jisung in the eyes. It had been three months now since they started… _whatever_ this was, and Felix was happier than he ever remembered being. Stray Kids was doing better than anyone expected, and what he and Jisung had developed together was something Felix couldn't have even imagined until he had it. 

He'd always loved Jisung. He loved _all_ the members. Before, he had never let himself feel any sexual attraction towards them— but that didn't mean it wasn't there. He just squashed it down so far and out of reach he could almost pretend it didn't exist.

But then Jisung unlocked the gates, and now Felix's feelings were pouring out. 

He used to admire Jisung's fashion, especially the big, flashy rings the other boy wore. Now he admired how well the rings fit on Jisung's stocky fingers, and sometimes he took them off before they went to bed, one by one, kissing the bare spot they left on Jisung's fingers after. He used to think how cute Jisung's little Cupid's bow mouth was, and now he saw the other boy's lips and just wanted to kiss them. 

But… it didn't stop there. His feelings for everyone else were growing and maturing, too. He tried not to think about it.

"I don't want you to go," Felix said, his voice small. "But you should." He shifted around until he found Jisung's hand and held it tightly. "I've had you to myself for a long time. Minho-hyung is probably lonely."

Jisung just sighed, and Felix could hear the weight of it. He felt bad. It was partly his fault, after all. 

"Okay," Jisung said after a while. He slowly untangled himself from Felix's limbs and the bedsheets. Felix could tell he didn't want to go. 

"Fighting," Felix whispered. Jisung gave him a small, troubled smile, and then left Felix alone in his bed. 

  
  
  
  
  


Woojin and Chan managed to awkwardly laugh off Changbin's comment about the smell, and distracted him with cuddles instead. 

Chan glanced up at Woojin over Changbin's head, and they locked eyes. Both of them smiled.

They knew they would have to address it eventually. But for now, it was their own little secret. Something they shared.

Something special.

  
  
  
  


It was only nine-thirty. The dorm was unusually empty— it was silent save for muffled voices coming from Chan and Woojin's room. Jisung had seen the texts in the group chat and assumed Jeongin and Hyunjin were still out. Changbin was probably with the hyungs, and Seungmin had mentioned dinner plans with his mom tonight, since their schedule finished so early. 

That was six of them accounted for. Felix and Jisung made eight. So… 

Jisung stopped in front of the door to Minho's room, hoping the older boy was inside. He took a deep breath.

And then he knocked.

It was silent for a moment, and Jisung actually felt relieved. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. Did Minho's face the other night really look _that_ sad? Or was Jisung just projecting? If it _was,_ then how come Jisung hadn't noticed?

"What do you want?"

Minho's voice was cold, and Jisung jumped. Now that he thought about it— hadn't Minho been acting unusually cold towards him lately? Suddenly it was like the whole past week was coming back to him, and his mind flooded with visions of Minho shouldering past him without a word, ignoring Jisung's friendly attempts at joking, and avoiding him during meals.

Why, why, _why_ was he just realizing all this now?!

Lee Minho was the person Jisung felt more comfortable with than anyone else. Ever. In his whole life. The older boy just _got_ him. He knew when Jisung wanted to play around and knew when Jisung wanted to be serious, and he didn't judge Jisung for switching between them at the drop of a hat. Minho listened to all the thoughts that Jisung let spill out, and responded exactly how Jisung needed him to. Minho was supportive when he knew something was serious, but he also dismissed Jisung's overdramatic (and frequent) worries when he felt like Jisung was worrying about nothing. And that calmed Jisung down, and let him move on with his life.

"I…" 

Jisung couldn't find words. Minho was staring at him so _coldly._ Jisung suddenly felt like he was glass, and Minho's gaze was about to break him into pieces. "I wanted to sleep with you tonight." He hated how small his voice sounded. 

Minho stepped aside wordlessly. His silence cut deeper than any words could have. 

Jisung hurried into the room, almost tripping over his feet. As he expected, it was completely empty. Casting a glance back at Minho, he tip-toed towards the bed that was closed off by a fabric hanging. Minho's bed. Where Jisung used to spend half of his nights— but now felt as foreign as a cousin's unfamiliar room during family reunions. He waited, not wanting to get in before his hyung. Minho always took the inside. The tension in the room made him want to vomit. 

The older boy stalked past him, throwing back the curtain and climbing inside without a word. Jisung stared at the now-closed curtain in shock. 

 _How did things get so fucked up_? 

He pulled back the hanging and crawled into bed. Minho was facing the wall, on his phone. "Hyung," Jisung whispered. He wanted to curl up around Minho's back, but he didn't dare. 

The other boy didn't make any move to show that he'd heard, so Jisung tried again. "Minho-hyung?" He stretched his fingers out and brushed them against Minho's bare shoulder. The distance between them in the twin bed should have been nothing, but he felt so very far away. 

When he felt Jisung's touch, Minho jerked his shoulder away. Jisung's heart broke. 

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "Hyung, I was so stupid. I'm sorry. I said I would stay with you and I forgot and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm—"

"God, shut up," Minho growled, finally turning over to glare at Jisung. "It doesn't always work that way, okay? You don't get to just abandon me for two months to get your dick wet and then play the victim so I'll feel bad for you."

Jisung was in shock.

"I…" 

Minho's glare was burning a hole right through Jisung's core. "You what?" he said mockingly.

Tears welled up behind Jisung's eyes, but he didn't let them spill. He didn't want to prove Minho right— didn't want to just play the victim. He tried again. "I.. I'm…" But nothing else would come out. 

In a flash, Minho was on top of him. He pinned Jisung down to the bed, hands on Jisung's thin wrists. The older boy leaned down until they were nearly nose-to-nose, and the pure contempt in his eyes turned Jisung's blood cold. 

"Did you fuck him?" 

Minho's voice was like ice. Cold and sharp and low. Jisung trembled and shook his head. _No._ But he couldn't make his mouth say it. He felt dirty. Like he was naked on a dissecting table, his insides on display for everyone to see. But he _deserved_ this. He had to bare it. For Minho. For what Jisung had done to him.

"No?" Minho's grip on his wrists tightened. "Did he fuck _you?"_

He almost had. One day when they got lucky and had longer than usual to themselves, and they hadn't been together in days. Jisung was _this_ close to rolling the condom onto Felix's shaft— and then they heard the dorm's front door open. That's the only thing that stopped them and now Jisung felt like complete shit because he'd _wanted_ it. If that door hadn't opened—

The tears forced their way out, spilling out of Jisung's eyes and blurring his vision as sobs tore from his throat. "He d-didn't," Jisung cried. "He didn't, he didn't, I'm _sorry,_ Minho, p- _please—"_

And it was like Minho finally came back to himself. The cold, terrible monster that was wearing Minho's face fled, and left the Minho Jisung knew in its place. 

The older boy's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He looked scared. "Jisung," he whispered. His hands flew off of Jisung's wrists. "I'm so sorry. Baby, don't cry. Minho is sorry." He began stroking Jisung's hair and wiping the tears from his eyes, speaking the whole time in a hushed, broken whisper. "Fuck. Sweetie, Jisung, I'm so so sorry, please, _please,_ hyung is sorry, okay? Baby, please don't cry—"

Minho climbed off of him, instead laying down beside him and trying to hold Jisung's whole body in his arms. The older boy pulled him close. Jisung sobbed into Minho's chest, both from the stress of what had just happened and the familiar feeling of Minho's strong arms around him. This was where he belonged.

After a few minutes, his sobs turned into quiet sniffles. Minho just held him, stroking his hair. When the older boy noticed his quietness, Minho pulled back to look at him.

"Jisung, I'm so sorry. I— I can't believe I did that to you. I'm sorry."

Jisung's lip quivered. _Don't start again,_ he told himself. "Minho…" he started. He didn't know where to go from there. He was feeling so many mixed emotions right now. 

But one stood out.

"I don't want us to get like that ever again," he said. And that single sentence summed up everything he wanted to say about the whole situation. Other people might not understand. They would want to talk it out; to properly apologize and give forgiveness where they were due. 

He and Minho didn't need that, though. 

"Never," Minho agreed. And in those two sentences— just eleven words— the whole thing was behind them.

  
  
  
  
  


They cuddled for awhile, catching up with everything that has happened in the past two months, and Jisung realized just how much he missed this. He loved all the members, and he'd formed a special connection with Felix. But it wasn't the same. 

Eventually Minho went silent. Jisung didn't mind. This was nice, too— just _being_ together. 

"You know," Minho said after a while, "if it was just about sex, you could have come to me."

Jisung sputtered. _"What?"_

"You and Felix. If you just wanted to get off with someone, why didn't you ask me?"

"Minho, I— _what?"_ Jisung couldn't form a sentence. "You want me to just knock on your door and ask for sex?" He meant it as an exaggeration to show how ridiculous Minho was being, but—

"Yeah," Minho answered. He looked completely serious. "Don't you like me?"

"In— in what way should I like you?" He was stalling; trying to give himself time to figure out how to answer what Minho had just asked. 

The older boy was finally starting to show some emotion. He looked agitated, but not in an angry way. More like a cat who was being teased by something on the other side of a glass door, forever beyond its reach. "Jisung, _I_ want to make you happy," he said. 

Jisung caught the unusual stress on the word _I._ "But… do _you_ like _me?"_ Jisung asked, throwing Minho's question back at him. 

"Of course I like you!" Minho said. "We're soulmates. You told me that before. And if I'm your soulmate, _I_ should be the one giving you what you need." Suddenly his voice was low and raspy. "Whatever that is."

"B-but— are you even _gay?_ I didn't think you liked guys..."

"I like _you."_

The words were warm and sure. Minho said them without any hesitation, like it was an undeniable truth of the universe.

And maybe it was. Because they _were_ soulmates. Jisung had felt it in his heart since the day he grabbed Minho's hand during the survival show. He'd told Minho about his feelings after they debuted, and Minho had accepted it easily. 

He just didn't realize soulmates could mean _this,_ too. 

Minho's hand began traveling lightly over Jisung's skin, tracing up his chest and then down his arm all the way to his fingers. They locked hands. 

"I like you, too," Jisung mumbled. 

Minho brought their hands up to his mouth. He placed a kiss on Jisung's knuckles. "Good," he breathed against the skin. Then he locked eyes with Jisung. "So what do you need? Let Minho give it to you."

Never in his life had Jisung gone from soft to hard so fast. Heat flowed through his body. "You," Jisung whispered. "Need you."

Minho shifted, closing the already small distance between them. Jisung was nervous. He closed his eyes.

Soft lips met his own, and when they did, a single tear slid down Jisung's cheek. 

This was perfect. This was meant to be. _They_ were meant to be.

"Minho," he breathed. "I love you."

The older boy smiled. Jisung knew, because he felt it against his skin. Then Minho's lips moved to his cheeks, his nose, and the middle of his forehead. Soft, sweet kisses. "I love you, too."

Jisung started crying again. A year ago, he never thought he'd hear those words. Not like this. He thought he would be hiding, pretending to be like everyone else. 

Now he was in the arms of someone he loved— and that person was saying it back.

Minho kissed away his tears. "You're okay, baby," he said softly. "I'm here. Minho's not going anywhere."

"Hyung," Jisung whimpered.

"What do you need, baby?"

"Want you. Wanna be _close._ " He needed it. Minho's arms were wrapped around him, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to be closer. Wanted to feel Minho's skin on his own. _Everywhere._

"Okay, baby." Minho's hands wandered over Jisung's body. They found the bottom of Jisung's shirt and pulled, then did the same to Minho's own. While he undid his own pants, Minho brought his mouth to one of Jisung's nipples and Jisung gasped. 

Minho just mouthed gently at first, teasing the hard little bud with his lips. Then he latched on, grazing the sensitive skin with his teeth, alternating between nibbling and sucking. After just a few seconds, Jisung was panting. 

"H-hyung," he groaned. "Please. I want— I want—"

"I know what you want," Minho soothed. He was naked. Jisung took in the sight— the older boy was smaller than he thought, but still perfect. It fit him, just like his small, dainty hands. He was pretty.

"Lie back," Minho instructed. Jisung did as he was told, moving to the middle of the bed and laying down. Minho's hands ran down his chest, stopping at his shorts. 

"Can I take these off?" he asked. 

Jisung nodded. This was so… _different_ than being with Felix. With Felix, Jisung had confidence. Felix was more experienced than him, but Felix was so… _delicate._ He just made you feel like you wanted to take care of him. 

But here, with Minho… Jisung felt like he could let down all his walls. He didn't have to be funny, or cool, or smart. He just had to be himself, and he knew Minho would love him anyway.

Minho tugged the shorts off his hips. He wasn't wearing anything underneath. (Something he got from Minho, ironically.) The look on Minho's face made Jisung blush. He was staring at Jisung unashamedly.

"You're so beautiful," Minho said. He placed his hands on Jisung's hips, thumbs lightly rubbing Jisung's hipbones and eyes still trained between Jisung's legs. "So perfect."

Jisung hid behind his hands. " _Hyung,"_ he whined. "Stop."

"You want me to stop?"

Jisung peeked through his fingers. "...No," he squeaked. Minho grinned. 

"Didn't think so." 

The older boy's hands slid down from Jisung's hips to his crotch, and took Jisung in his hand. His touch was warm. 

Minho leaned down to mouth at Jisung's neck. "I wanna taste every inch of your skin," he mumbled. "Every single, perfect inch."

Jisung shivered. "It's yours," he said. "I'm yours, hyung. All of me."

Now it was Minho's turn to moan. He bit down into Jisung's skin, like a cat. "Fuck, Jisung," he hissed. Suddenly he pulled away and gracefully slid from the bed. Everything Lee Minho did was graceful.

"Wait here," Minho said. And then he was gone.

There was rustling outside the hangings. Jisung touched himself while he waited— he was aching too badly to leave himself alone. In his mind, he recreated Minho's touch.

And then his fingers were replaced by Minho's own. "Did Minho leave you too long?" the older boy laughed. "Sorry, baby."

Jisung let out a breathy giggle that turned into a moan as Minho's hands played with him. His touch was different than Felix's— Felix was always rushed and intense, but Minho's touch was slow and teasing. 

"Why do you call me baby?"

"Because you like it."

Color rose in Jisung's cheeks. It was true. "How did you know?"

Minho tore his attention away from Jisung's cock to look at his face instead. "You always call me baby, but only when you're joking around. And then you laugh and blush afterwards, because you like it but you're embarrassed."

His blush deepened, and he reached out and weakly hit Minho on the shoulder. "Stop knowing me so well," he joked. 

"I can't."

He didn't know whether to shake his head or smile. That was Minho— always unexpected. It was one of the things Jisung liked best about him. 

They kissed again. Jisung heard the ripping of a package and his eyes flew open. "A condom?" he asked. 

"Is it okay?"

Jisung gulped and nodded. He hadn't really prepped or anything, and now that he thought about it he was a little nervous— but Minho was small, it should be okay—

And then Minho's hands were on Jisung's dick again, pinching the tip and rolling the second skin down. _"Oh,"_ Jisung gasped, surprise evident in his voice. "I thought— I was worried—"

"Never be worried with me," Minho said, smiling as he placed kisses all down Jisung's chest. "Minho knows. I told you."

Jisung let out a breath and watched Minho. Just a little bit of light filtered through the hangings, barely enough to illuminate Minho's body with planes of light and shadow. It highlighted his lightly muscled form, his prominent clavicle standing out against his smooth chest and the slightly raised scar that cut across his belly. Jisung ran his finger along it.

"I love this," he said. 

Minho frowned. "Why?"

"It's _you._ Nobody else in the whole world has this. Only you."

The older boy stared at him for a moment, and then a smile lit up his face as he shook his head. "Shut up and let me ride you, Jisung."

Jisung pretended to zip his mouth shut and throw away the key. Both of them laughed. 

Minho produced a small bottle of half-full lube and flipped the cap open. He slicked up his fingers and Jisung expected him to put them inside himself, but he didn't. Minho just slipped his fingers briefly in between his own legs and pulled them back out immediately after, then poured a few squirts of lube on Jisung's cock and climbed on top of him, lining up Jisung with his entrance. 

"Wait— don't you need to, like, prep? Won't it hurt?" He'd done tons of research, preparing just in case he and Felix ever had the chance.

"I like it this way," Minho said simply. "Sometimes you hurt me. Sometimes I hurt you. It's more real." 

Jisung didn't stop to think about how Minho knew he liked it like that. He just focused on the other words. They were true, and loved that about Minho— that he would admit something like that without hesitation. 

Minho put one hand on Jisung's chest to steady himself, and the other reached back around to hold Jisung's length still as he sank down onto it.

It didn't go in right away. Jisung moved his hands to Minho's hips, trying to still the trembling of the older boy's body. He didn't know if it was from pain or excitement, but he was worried Minho's arm would give out. Minho gazed at him, eyes heavy-lidded and hazy. "I'm okay," Minho said. "Don't worry."

The condom took away some of the sensation, but Jisung could _feel_ Minho's entrance pressing against his tip. The skin was hot, and something was resisting Jisung's cock. Even like this, not even inside him, the sensation was amazing. 

When Minho's body finally let Jisung inside, both of them cried out. Minho fell forward onto Jisung's chest, trembling. Jisung was clutching Minho's waist so hard his knuckles were white. "F-f-fuck," he stuttered. "H-hyung." He ran his hands up Minho's body. "You okay?"

Minho nodded, his forehead still pressed against Jisung's chest. Jisung wrapped his arms around the older boy. "Tell me you're okay."

When Minho raised his head, Jisung had to bite his lips to keep a moan from escaping. Minho's cheeks were flushed, and he was looking at Jisung through his dark, thick lashes. 

_He's so beautiful._

"I wanna move," Jisung begged. "Please, hyung—"

He was cut short by Minho moving his hips, rocking back onto Jisung's cock. It felt more intense than any other single sensation Jisung had ever felt. Minho was _tight,_ and hot, and pulsing—

"J-Jisung," Minho gasped, and Jisung nearly came on the spot. Minho calling his name was so pretty. His fucked-out face was so pretty, his cock bouncing up and down as he moved was pretty; _everything_ about the boy on top of him was fucking _pretty_ and he loved it, he loved _him,_ and Minho loved him back. 

Back— Minho arched his back, bracing himself with hands against Jisung's chest again, throwing his head back and grinding down on Jisung's cock. 

Jisung realized his mouth was hanging open. It was just so _much._ It felt unreal to actually be _inside_ another person— and not just anyone, _Minho._ They were connected. And just _watching_ Minho ride him was unspeakably hot. It was just too much. 

" _Hnhhh,_ Minho, I'm— I'm gonna—"

Minho stilled.

Jisung hissed, his orgasm ripped away from him. "Why?!"

The other boy leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Jisung's lips. "I don't want it to be over yet. I'm selfish. Sorry."

A smile tugged at the corner of Jisung's lips, and he playfully thrust his hips up. Now it was Minho's turn to gasp. He brought his hand to his mouth, biting at a knuckle to stifle his moans. His other hand went to his cock, just wrapping around it lightly, not moving. 

Jisung began thrusting at a semi-even pace. It was hard to keep up, but the look on Minho's face made it worth it. He wanted to make Minho's hand move, wanted to see Minho just as gone and into it as he was. But Minho's grip was furiously still. 

With a little growl ( _where did that come from?),_ Jisung pulled Minho's hand away and replaced it with his own. When he did, Minho grinned, and Jisung wondered if this had been his plan all along. 

Jisung jerked Minho's small, leaking cock in time with his thrusts, and before long the other boy was making the sexiest noises Jisung had ever heard— soft, breathy little moans, the pitch getting higher every time Jisung moved his hips. 

" _Hyung,"_ Jisung panted. His movements were becoming erratic and frenzied now. "Hyung-hyung-hyung— _Minho—"_

Right as he moaned the other boy's name, Minho's whole body tensed— and then he started coming, a low moan rising from his throat and his hands balled into fists on Jisung's chest. Thick whiteness painted uneven lines all over Jisung's stomach with each twitch.

Jisung came immediately watching him, his hips bucking up as deep as they could go into Minho's body, and it was the most intense orgasm he'd ever had. The edges of his vision pulsed and he laid his head back on the pillow, panting. Minho collapsed forward on top of him. They kissed, long and slow and soft.

"You came when I said your name," Jisung said after they'd laid there awhile, just cuddling. There was a smirk on his face.

"You're obscene," Minho said with a scoff. "...And hot."

Jisung snorted. He draped his arm around Minho's shoulder and pulled the older boy closer on his chest. He inhaled the scent of Minho's hair— slightly sweaty mixed with coconut milk shampoo. It smelled like sex. Jisung sighed.

"I don't know what I'm gonna tell Felix," he said, voice heavy. 

"What do you mean?"

Jisung looked down at him, frowning. "What do you mean, what do _I_ mean? I need to break it off…"

"Why?"

Jisung just stared. "Okay, now I'm starting to feel dumb. What are you saying, Minho?"

Minho raised himself up on an elbow, resting his chin in his hand. He looked like a little cat, curled into Jisung's side. "I don't mind if you're still involved with Felix."

Jisung felt his eyes widen in shock. "But— but you were so _angry—"_

"I was _angry_ because you _ignored_ me for two months." Minho took a deep breath, and his expression softened. "If you can love me _and_ him at the same time— without being unfair to either of us— then I don't mind. I know he's special to you, and that means he's special to me, too." Minho nuzzled him. "Minho loves anyone who makes my Jisungie happy."

  
  
  
  
  
  


They managed to distract Changbin from his comment— "It smells like cum in here—" for a little while, but Chan should have known the boy wouldn't just let it drop. Over the next few days, Changbin was glued to either Chan or Woojin's side. His face lit up whenever it was time to go to bed, and inevitably fell when Chan put his headphones in and turned on his side. 

After a few days of this, Changbin was moping and pouting more than usual. That night, he promptly reached out and tugged the airpod from Chan's ear. 

"I know you're hiding something from me," Changbin huffed. 

Chan raised an eyebrow. He couldn't say anything, because… it was true.

"You and Woojin, and Felix and Jisung are spending all your time together," he pouted. "Without _me."_

"Changbin…." Chan sighed. What could he say? _It's complicated?_ That would be a cop-out. He wished this hadn't come up so soon. He knew what he _wanted_ to do— how he _wanted_ to handle it— but he hadn't had a chance to talk to Woojin about it at all, and it wasn't exactly something you could just spring on someone. That was about the worst thing he could do, actually. 

"Is it… me?" Changbin asked in a small voice. "You like each other, but not… me. What's wrong with me?"

Before Chan had a chance to react, his mattress dipped as someone else climbed onto it. Arms wrapped around Changbin's small form. 

_Woojin._

"Nothing," the oldest said, placing a kiss on Changbin's shoulder. "Nothing is wrong with you, Binnie." Woojin brushed the long, straight hair out of Changbin's eyes. They looked at each other for a moment, Changbin's gaze wide and wet with tears and Woojin's loving and confident— and then Woojin closed the distance between them, bringing their lips together in a chaste little kiss. 

"We like you, too," he said. His gaze flitted over towards Chan. "Don't we, Channie?"

And once again, Chan couldn't believe how lucky he had gotten. Not just with Woojin, but with all eight of them. He had waited a long, long time— and finally the stars were all aligning. 

"Yeah," he said happily. "We do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew


	4. [ch4] woochanbin & hyunlix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't just kiss me and then leave me, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh this gets so sad, I'm sorry

_"A-ah—_ hyung— _"_

"Shhh, baby, you're okay," Woojin mumbled, placing a kiss on Changbin's inner thigh. His fingers were deep inside of the younger boy, making gentle but steady motions. Changbin was half-laying in Chan's lap, the leader holding him steady and occasionally playing with his nipples. 

The sensations were overwhelming and he loved it.

He wasn't surprised by what Chan and Woojin had told him that night, so many weeks ago. "We have feelings for each other," they'd said. Changbin knew. He could see it— in the way that Woojin's hands lingered on Chan's body, just a second or two longer than they used to; in the way that Chan sometimes just looked at Woojin and smiled, soft and peaceful and _happy._ So no, he wasn't surprised. But… he was jealous.

First Felix and Jisung, and then Woojin and Chan. And then Minho had started sulking in his room, and Hyunjin was always hanging around the two youngest. 

So where did that leave _him?_

He'd tried to be happy for them. Happy that they could find each other, find some comfort amidst their crazy lives. But Changbin wanted that, too. 

He wanted someone to smile when he walked into the room. Wanted someone to hold him at the end of the day, to kiss his forehead and then his lips and wish him sweet dreams. 

He had always thought it would be some girl his sister picked out for him. He loved his sister, and she knew him better than anyone else in the whole world. She would pick someone good for him, after his seven or fourteen years of contracts, and they'd settle down near his parents and have a nice life. 

That's what he'd always thought. That was what people did.

But it's not what Jisung and Felix were doing. It's not what Woojin and Chan were doing. And if they were doing something different, why couldn't Changbin, too?

Except, nobody came to him. They went to each other instead.

He knew it was probably annoying, to squeeze himself in between Chan and Woojin like that. He just didn't know how else to make them know that he wanted to be part of them, too. What was he gonna do, walk up to them and just demand to be loved? (Well, he did that too. But he did that so often, it was one of their running jokes.)

So when Woojin had appeared behind him, taking Changbin into his arms without any hesitation— 

—Well, he might have cried that night. A lot. 

 _"Hyung,"_ he whined again. He grabbed at Woojin's arm, fingers sinking into the tan flesh. Woojin was teasing him, and Changbin was nearly at his limit. 

"Am I teasing you too much?" Woojin cooed. He could be absolutely devilish sometimes, a sweet little smile on his face while his hand milked Changbin dry. 

Changbin squirmed and nodded. There were tears building behind his eyes, threatening to spill over. He always cried easily, whether from emotions or frustration or— apparently— intense sexual pleasure. His whole body was starting to ache from the feeling coming from Woojin's fingers in waves, pulsing over him relentlessly with no end in sight. "Please," he pouted. He strained his hips forward, wiggling.

"Okay," Woojin said with a smile. "How do you want it, Binnie baby?"

Changbin bit his lips and thought about it. He ran through all the things they'd done so far, marveling slightly at how much they'd been able to do in just one short month. "Want hyung's mouth," he said finally. 

Woojin and Chan looked at each other and laughed. Chan nuzzled into Changbin's hair. "Which hyung?" he teased. 

Changbin leaned harder back against the leader, feeling Chan's erection pressing into his back. He liked feeling Chan trying not to rut up against him while the older boy watched Woojin work on him. It was nice, how much the older two loved each other. And… and Changbin, too. 

"Woojin-hyung," Changbin decided. "A-and keep your fingers, too," he added shyly. 

Woojin smiled at him, warm and just a little devious. He hunched over, his free hand running lightly over Changbin's leg as he positioned himself over Changbin's cock. His fingers drew almost all the way out of Changbin's hole, then slowly slid back in. _"Ah!"_ Changbin gasped, body trembling. 

Woojin chose that moment to close his mouth over Changbin's swollen, petite cock, taking the whole thing in at once. Changbin let out a high-pitched whine, and he heard Chan stifle a soft moan behind him. As if to put his mouth to use, Chan kissed the skin where Changbin's jaw met his neck, lips insistent but gentle enough not to leave a mark. They could never leave marks. 

Woojin was unfairly skilled with his tongue. _It must be a vocalist thing,_ Changbin managed to think through the haze of arousal. According to Chan, Woojin had never done anything like this before the two of them got together. So in just two short months, he'd turned into a blowjob god?

Changbin would have been jealous if he didn't benefit so much from the reward.

Woojin's lips were firm as they glided up and down over Changbin's erection, forming the perfect little ring of tightness and making Changbin whimper every time those lips reached his sensitive head. And while Woojin's lips were steady and rhythmic in their up and down motion, inside his mouth Woojin's tongue flicked and darted here and there, surprising Changbin with every movement. He had good rhythm, too— mostly slow and steady, but every now and then pausing to take Changbin extra deep in his throat, all while Woojin's fingers drummed relentlessly against his prostate.

It was too much.

"H-h-hyung," he panted. _"Hnnn_ — gonna— _ah!"_ He couldn't get the words out.

"It's okay, baby, he knows," Chan mumbled soothingly in his ear. Then Chan's fingers were pinching Changbin's nipples, just how he liked it, hard and a little painful, and Woojin swallowed him down to the base and that was it, he was done. Changbin came, a wordless cry leaving his mouth as he grabbed on to Chan's arms and tried not to thrust up too deeply into Woojin's mouth.

Woojin kept working on his cock as he came, bobbing his throat as he swallowed spurt after spurt of Changbin's cum. As Changbin's spasms calmed, Woojin reduced his ministrations to gentle little licks until Changbin softened in his mouth. Woojin pulled off gracefully, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

"You taste so good, Binnie."

Changbin blushed, palming the unshed tears away from the corners of his eyes. His arms felt weak. "Love you, hyung," he said in response. He said it a lot— before they went to bed at night, when they woke up in the morning, and right after they had just swallowed a load of his cum. Partially because he wanted to hear it back, but also because he felt like it was the only thing he had to give them. 

He wasn't experienced like Chan was, and he didn't have the confidence that Woojin had. They'd tried to have sex, once, but it hadn't ended well— Woojin was so _big,_ and Changbin had cried for real that time. They had to stop, and Changbin could tell that Woojin felt terrible about it. They hadn't tried it again since, and most of the time Woojin and Chan just took care of him.

"Love you, Binnie baby," Woojin said back, smiling. Changbin's heart warmed, and all his worries faded away. "Will you get Channie all warmed up for me while I wash my hands?"

Chan sucked in a breath, and Changbin nodded. He squirmed in Chan's arms, turning around so he was laying on top of the older boy, head on Chan's chest. The door clicked shut as Woojin slipped out of the room.

"Tell me what to do, hyung," Changbin said, looking up at the leader. 

"Can you… can you do the thing?" Chan asked hesitantly. His ears immediately turned bright red.

Changbin perked up. "Oh, from the other night?"

"Uh, yeah." Chan sounded shy, but he still met Changbin's eyes. Changbin smiled at him.

A few days ago, when Woojin was busy with vocal practice, Chan and Changbin had been messing around on their own. Chan kept fixating on Changbin's arms, and when Changbin had asked him about it, Chan had surprised him with an unusual request. 

"Ok," Changbin said, trying his best to make Chan feel comfortable. He sat up on top of the older boy, straddling his waist, and he felt Chan's hand snake down to wrap around the boy's own erection. Changbin felt it nudge against his back as Chan stroked. 

"Ready?" Changbin asked. The leader nodded and closed his eyes. 

Changbin leaned slightly forward, sliding his hands up Chan's bare chest until his thumbs found the dip of Chan's throat. His other fingers wrapped around Chan's neck, lightly— and Changbin started applying a gentle, steady pressure. 

Chan was silent, but Changbin could feel the older boy's pulse beneath his fingers. It was racing. Changbin increased the pressure, leaning forward a little more, and felt Chan's hand start a desperately tense up-and-down motion behind him.

Chan had told him last time how to do it without leaving any marks, and without pressing so hard it became dangerous. Changbin felt a slight thrill from this— from being on top of Chan, being in _control,_ and feeling Chan shake beneath him. He never got to have this kind of… power. 

Just as Chan's face was reddening to the point where Changbin needed to let go, the two of them heard footsteps coming down the hall. Changbin immediately pulled his hands away and Chan gasped, sucking in air. The doorknob turned, and Woojin reappeared.

"Wow, you're dripping," the oldest boy observed, swiping his finger up Chan's shaft, collecting all the precum that had oozed from the tip. "Changbin, whatever you did, I think Channie liked it."

Changbin wiggled his whole body, happy about the praise, and he and Chan exchanged quick, secret smiles. Then Changbin was being pulled backwards by Woojin's strong hands, landing with a thump at the foot of the bed. Woojin pulled Chan close to the edge and spread the leader's legs so that Chan was spread out, right in front of Changbin's face. Changbin licked his lips.

"Think you can help me make him come?" Woojin asked, smiling down at him. Changbin nodded eagerly. He knew what they were about to do.

Woojin was on his knees on the bed, hunched over to reach Chan's cock. Changbin knelt on the floor between Chan's legs, which were trembling. 

At the same time, the two of them started to lick.

Woojin drew his tongue all over Chan's shaft, giving big, slow licks all over the pale skin. Changbin placed his hands on Chan's thighs, spreading them apart and licking a stripe up Chan's smooth, pink perineum, over his sac, and finishing at the base of his cock, where Changbin's tongue met with Woojin's. 

This was how Chan liked it. Messy and intense. And his two lovers were more than happy to oblige. 

Changbin had found early on that he liked being down here. He let Woojin do the actual work while he was free to let his mouth explore wherever he wanted. 

Depending on the time of day and what they'd been up to, Chan tasted different here. His cock always tasted more or less the same, but here between his legs it was _different._ When the dorm was nice and cold Chan's skin was tight and dry, his testicles drawn in close to his body. But when Chan was hot— like after practice— he became sweaty and damp, his skin sticking to itself and his sac so loose Changbin had to move it with his hands to get to the sensitive skin beneath it. 

He knew it was probably gross, but Changbin liked Chan's sweat. 

He liked to press his nose between Chan's legs, inhaling the musk. The first few licks, before he covered Chan with his own spit, were pungent and salty. It tasted good, and Changbin savored it.

Chan wasn't hot or sweaty today, though. The leader had showered when he and Changbin got home from the studio, not even an hour ago.

So Changbin decided to try something new. 

He never _avoided_ Chan's asshole. Sometimes his tongue would glide over it briefly when Changbin was using big, careless licks, mostly as Chan got close and his body was writhing all around. But that was all. He'd never… paid attention to it.

He could hear Chan's breathing getting heavier above him. Woojin was right— Chan _was_ all worked up. He was probably already close to coming. So… if it was just a little bit…

Experimentally, Changbin made his tongue flat and wide, and made a short, broad lick directly on Chan's hole. 

 _"Fuck,"_ Chan moaned. "Binnie, fuck, yes, please—"

Well, that was permission if he'd ever heard it. 

Changbin focused his tongue on the little ring of muscle in front of him. He swirled it around, noting in fascination that the muscles contracted with each lick. It tasted… interesting. No different from the rest of Chan's skin, really, just a little sharper. Concentrated. He was happy about this discovery, and decided to push his tongue inside.

 _"Ahh!"_ Chan cried out. He pressed himself downward onto Changbin's tongue. "F-fuck, _coming—"_

Changbin held his legs as still as he could and continued fucking Chan with his tongue while Woojin gagged a little above him. Chan must have bucked his hips too hard— Woojin could take a lot without gagging. 

White globs of cum mixed with Woojin's saliva ran down Chan's shaft. A small droplet landed on Changbin's nose where it was pressed up against Chan's ballsack. Finally Changbin pulled away, sitting back on his heels and wiping his mouth. Woojin was doing the same, and gently stroking Chan's hip as the leader shuddered through aftershocks. 

Eventually Chan sat up, looking dazed. He shook his head, frizzy curls bouncing. Woojin cooed at him and Changbin climbed back onto the bed to curl up against Chan's side. The leader put an arm around him weakly, his body still trembling every few seconds. 

Woojin looked at them both, a happy smile on his face. He leaned over and pressed his lips to Changbin's forehead, long and soft and sweet. When he pulled back he made eye contact. "Are you good, baby?"

Changbin nodded, warmth spreading all throughout his body. Woojin always made sure to check on them after they did anything together.

Next he did the same to Chan. "All good, Chris?" The way Woojin pronounced Chan's English name was soft and cute, and Chan's lips curled up into an almost involuntary smile. "Good," Chan affirmed. "Thanks to you two." His eyes fell on Changbin. "Binnie, that was… uh, _really_ intense."

"You liked it?" Changbin was happy.

Chan nodded, pulling Changbin closer into his side. "I'll do it for you next time. You'll love it."

Changbin hummed. The whole room felt warm and safe and _real,_ and he never wanted to leave it. But then he realized—

"Hyung," he said, his attention on Woojin. "It's your turn." He stretched out, reaching for the oldest boy across Chan's naked lap, but Woojin just chuckled and pulled Changbin into a hug. 

"I already did that myself right before you two got home," he said. "I didn't think I'd get to take care of you today."

Changbin loved the way he phrased it. Not play around, not fuck. _'Take care of you.'_

And just then, in this small, messy room, squeezed between two of his best friends, he realized something. Something he never saw coming, but still didn't surprise him.

He was in love. 

  
  
  
  


"You look lonely," Hyunjin said.

Felix was sitting in the corner of the couch, his Switch in his lap but his head turned towards the window, chin resting in his hand. When he heard Hyunjin's voice, he jumped.

"Hi, Jinnie," he said sweetly. Everything about Lee Felix was so fucking _sweet._ Hyunjin couldn't stand it sometimes— sometimes he just had to throw his arms around the younger boy, cradling his small body in his arms and nuzzling Felix's soft hair. Even as many times as they'd dyed it, it was still shiny and soft. Smelled like vanilla, too. "I'm okay." Felix's voice was deep but quiet. 

Hyunjin padded towards him and curled up next to him on the leather couch. Almost automatically, Felix lifted his arm to let Hyunjin snuggle even closer. Out of the whole group, the two of them were probably the biggest on skinship. Hyunjin just _felt_ better when he wasn't alone; when he was skin-to-skin with the people he loved. He'd never really asked why Felix liked skinship so much, but he had ideas. 

"Jisung is still with Minho?" Hyunjin asked softly. He knew the question would hurt the other boy, but he needed to know.

Felix nodded. His cheeks were puffed out and his lips were pressed together, and Hyunjin knew he was trying not to cry. It made his blood boil. How could someone do this to such a pure, kind-hearted soul? 

"I'm gonna go talk to him," Hyunjin growled. He moved to get up, but Felix's small hands clutched at him.

"Hyunjin, please, don't." 

"Lix, it's not right! He can't just _leave_ you like this. I'm gonna kill him, that little shit—"

Small, short sounds made Hyunjin shut up. _Is he crying?_ Hyunjin panicked, regretting his outburst instantly—

But then the sounds got louder, and he realized Felix was laughing.

"You're sweet, Jinnie," he said when he got his breath back. 

"What?"

Felix put the Switch on the side table, then wiggled down to cuddle closer to Hyunjin. "For worrying about me like that. It's sweet of you."

Hyunjin scoffed. "It's not sweet, I'm just— I just don't want anyone to hurt you."

Felix's tiny hand found Hyunjin's, and he intertwined their fingers. Hyunjin always felt like he had to be careful with Felix— like the other boy would just break if Hyunjin squeezed him too hard. So he held Felix's hand as gently as he could. 

"It's not like we were serious. And I knew there was something between him and Minho. I shouldn't have gotten carried away."

"Every night for two months isn't _not_ serious!"

"Jinnie, _please_ ," Felix begged. "I don't want to talk about it." He sounded so sad and worn down, Hyunjin couldn't stand it. He was gonna go crazy.

"I'm sorry," Hyunjin whispered. "I just don't want you to be sad." He pulled Felix close, trying to close the younger boy in his embrace, like he could protect him from everything bad in life with just his own body. If he could, he would. "I don't want you to be lonely." 

Felix's hand squeezed his. He wrapped an arm around Hyunjin's back, and Hyunjin suddenly realized Felix was basically laying underneath him now. "It hurts me. When you're unhappy."

"Jinnie…"

Hyunjin looked down at Felix. The other boy's eyes were so wide, and they sparkled in the twilight darkness. Hyunjin knew what he was about to do. He hoped Felix didn't mind.

He closed his eyes, and kissed Felix on the lips.

Felix didn't stop him, but when Hyunjin opened his eyes again, the other boy was still staring at him, wide-eyed. And then suddenly tears were spilling from those beautiful, sparkling eyes, and Lee Felix was sobbing in his arms.

"Don't," he pleaded through his tears. "Don't just kiss me and then leave me, too."

Hyunjin had always been emotional. Ever since he was a little kid, he had always cried too easily and gotten too involved in other people's feelings. He couldn't help it. It was like his body was an antenna; he absorbed people's feelings and then magnified them tenfold before spitting them back out. So seeing Felix like that, sad and broken and crying on the couch in their empty living room, sent Hyunjin into overdrive.

"No, Felix, no no no," he rushed, hands almost manic on Felix's body, wiping away the tears and brushing back his hair and cradling his face all in the span of ten seconds. "Never leave you, Lixie. I'll never."

"He said he loved me," Felix sobbed. His hands were trying to cover his face, curled into little fists and rubbing at the tears. 

"No, hey, shhh." Hyunjin had no idea what to do. He felt like his heart was about to explode. "He does, Lixie. He loves you."

"T-then why d-did he leave?"

"Because…" _Because he's a selfish idiot who doesn't think about other people's feelings?_ Hyunjin sighed. "Because he probably has feelings for Minho, too. But that doesn't mean his feelings for _you_ are any less." Hyunjin inhaled sharply through his nose. "He's just too much of an _idiot_ to handle it properly."

"You can't love two people at the same time."

Hyunjin blinked. "Of course you can. You love who you love. There aren't any rules about love."

Felix was still for a moment, his sobs reduced to little sniffles, as he seemed to consider Hyunjin's words. Then he shook his head, eyes squeezed shut. "I just wanna forget." His eyes flew open, and he stared at Hyunjin. "Distract me," he pleaded.

This wasn't good. It wasn't healthy. Hyunjin knew that.

But he couldn't say no.

He took Felix's face in his hands, swiping his thumbs over the boy's freckled cheeks to wipe away the last of his tears, then leaned down and kissed where his thumbs had been. He wanted to kiss every single freckle. 

He skipped Felix's mouth and trailed down to his neck instead. If the other boy didn't want to think about love right now, Hyunjin wouldn't make it worse for him. So he focused on Felix's body, focused on giving it the attention it deserved. 

Hyunjin's hands pulled up Felix's shirt, exposing toned abs. For all of Felix's muscle, though, his body still looked so small beneath Hyunjin's hands. When the cool air hit his skin, Felix sucked in a sharp breath. 

"Cold?" Hyunjin mumbled. 

Felix shook his head. "No. Feels good."

The words sent a shiver through Hyunjin's body, and he rested his forehead against Felix's chest, just for a moment. 

"I'll make it feel even better," he said. His hands moved to the waistband of Felix's sweats. "Can I?"

The slightest little nod, and Hyunjin was gone. He lifted up his body so Felix could do the same underneath him, and slid the sweats and briefs down to Felix's thighs. Felix was still soft. 

This wasn't the first time Hyunjin had seen him, obviously. He was familiar with the sight before him, but he was always surprised with just how dark the soft down between Felix's legs was. The other boy had been blonde for so long, it almost seemed natural. 

He expected Felix to get embarrassed and close his legs, but Felix seemed unashamed. Hyunjin was glad. Holding back a small smile, he scooted down between Felix's legs and took the now semi-hard cock fully into his mouth. 

It wasn't his first time doing this. There were lots of attractive people who attended SOPA— both female _and_ male— and Hyunjin had never really had a preference for who called him pretty and tried to get him into bed. 

Inside his mouth, Felix hardened quickly. Hyunjin liked the way it filled out his mouth, almost making him gag. Not that Felix was particularly big, but it _had_ been a long time. Hyunjin had to get used to it again. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed this. Not having a dick in his mouth, per se, but just that feeling of making someone feel good. 

The little noises escaping from Felix's mouth were like a drug. The other boy had his hand over his mouth to muffle the sounds, but Hyunjin could still hear them. He could _feel_ them— feel Felix's body shudder, feel the short breaths and gasps as Hyunjin worked his mouth. 

It took longer than he expected for Felix to get close, but Hyunjin didn't mind. He enjoyed the feeling of Felix's hands twisted in his hair, every now and then pushing Hyunjin down as he thrust up into his mouth. 

"Jinnie," Felix whispered. "Close."

Hyunjin pulled off of Felix's cock, wrapping a hand around it instead. Even though Felix was average sized, his hard, pink cock looked small in Hyunjin's hand. He fisted it quickly, not really sure what kind of pace Felix liked, but it only took a few strokes before Felix came, letting out a strangled cry. Hyunjin put his other hand just above Felix's cock, catching the cum in his palm so it didn't make a mess. Felix's hands pulled tight on his hair. 

After a moment, Felix's grip relaxed. He reached blindly behind him, grabbing a few tissues from the end table and handing them to Hyunjin. Hyunjin wiped the cum from his hand and Felix's softening erection, and when everything was clean he pulled Felix's pants back up and looked carefully at the younger boy's face. 

Felix was flushed and tired-looking, eyes barely open and an arm thrown across his forehead. When he noticed Hyunjin staring at him, he put on a small smile. "Sorry," he said. "It felt good. I just..." He closed his eyes and sighed. "Do you want—?"

It was obvious what Felix was offering, but Hyunjin shook his head. He clambered off the couch and stooped over, picking up Felix easily in his arms, bridal-style. 

"What I want is to take you to bed and hold you until you fall asleep and then kiss you good morning when you wake up." Hyunjin chewed his lip, suddenly nervous. "I-if that's okay."

Felix blushed and buried his face against Hyunjin's chest. Hyunjin felt him nod. "Okay, Jinnie."

So he did. He carried Felix to the room the other boy shared with Changbin and (usually) Jisung, knowing Jisung was in Hyunjin's own room, in Minho's bed. 

He expected Felix to cry again, but to his surprise, the freckled boy was asleep within minutes.

Instead it was Hyunjin who laid awake, staring at the ceiling with anger building in the pit of his belly.

  
  
  
  


Morning light had barely started to filter through the dark curtains around Minho's bed when Jisung was startled awake. 

Hyunjin had ripped the curtains open and was standing with his hands on his hips. He looked angrier than Jisung had ever seen him— even angrier than when they used to dislike each other way before debut. Hyunjin drew in a deep breath and Jisung gulped, dreading whatever the emotional boy was about to say.

"We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is... The Talk


	5. [ch5] hyunsunglix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He still sounded out of breath, and Jisung's heart thumped. Felix just made him feel so different from Minho. But they were both good, in their own unique ways.
> 
> And… and maybe Hyunjin made him feel some kind of way, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! thank you for waiting. this is a long, angsty update, but I hope the ending makes up for it.

It was barely six AM. 

"Hyunjin?" Minho croaked, his voice rough and his eyes barely open. "What—"

"I'm not talking to you," Hyunjin snapped. "Jisung, get the _fuck_ up."

By this point, the others in the room were starting to shift around in their beds. The sounds of waking. 

"Hyung?" Jeongin mumbled sleepily from the top bunk.

Hyunjin glared down at Jisung, who was refusing to meet his eyes. Minho's arm was wrapped protectively around the younger boy, but when Jisung started to sit up, his arm drew back. 

"Okay," Jisung said quietly. "You're waking the others. Let's go somewhere else."

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, unblinking. It was familiar— before debut, there was a period when the two of them were at each other's throats every other day. And this was always how it started. Eyes locked, bodies tense, the air between them crackling with nearly tangible tension. 

But then Jisung looked away, putting his head in his hands. He looked tired, and not just from lack of sleep. Hyunjin could see it in his eyes. He almost softened— but memories of Felix's face from yesterday stopped him. 

He turned on his heel and stalked out of the room. 

  
  
  
  


Jisung felt sick. 

From the moment he heard Hyunjin's voice he knew what was coming, and in a twisted way, he welcomed it.

The truth was that he _knew._

He knew that he'd abandoned Felix. He knew how shitty it was of him, and he knew— well, had an idea, at least— of how terrible he was probably making Felix feel.

But what could he do? That was the thing. He'd dug himself into this giant abyss of a grave, and every day more and more dirt and darkness piled on top of him, until he no longer had any idea how to claw his way back to the surface. 

Jisung knew how vulnerable Felix was when it came to relationships. Hadn't Jisung himself been the one to say, _"I don't wanna be like that guy. I don't wanna make you sad."_ And now he'd gone and done exactly that— he got into Felix's pants and then just _left._

He should have apologized. But the thing was… that would make it real. Make it _end._

And he didn't want it to end. 

He loved Minho. He would even go so far as to say they were soulmates, and he knew he would never find another connection like that for the rest of his life. 

But that didn't mean his feelings for Felix were just _gone._ Everything the two of them had built up over the months they'd been together— it was still there. Just as intense; just as _real._ And it hurt Jisung every single day to see Felix's face lose more and more of its light, until Felix just stopped looking in Jisung's direction at all. 

It really _, really_ hurt. 

Jisung took a deep breath, and it was then that he finally noticed Hyunjin had been silent for a long time. At Jisung's sigh, Hyunjin looked up, and when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet.

"Do you know what he said to me?"

Jisung shook his head, dreading whatever was going to come next.

"He asked me to make him forget."

Jisung had imagined lots of scenarios. He'd imagined Felix ignoring him; Felix bursting into tears. He imagined Chan lecturing him for disrupting the group. He'd even imagined Felix saying he hated him, and he never wanted to talk to Jisung ever again. 

This was worse. 

He didn't realize he was crying until he felt the tears fall on his thighs where his shorts had ridden up, and once he did, it was like the breaking of a dam, and suddenly he was sobbing uncontrollably. He could hardly breathe and his body was shaking, and through it all Hyunjin just stood there watching him. Jisung wanted more than anything for Hyunjin to wrap his arms around him just like he'd done at their first win, holding Jisung close and patting his hair and just _being_ there. Making Jisung feel like everything was okay. But of course Hyunjin didn't, how could he, when Jisung didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve _anything_ —

"Hyunjin, what did you _do?"_

Felix's panicked voice cut through Jisung's sobs and he jerked his head up, blinking his tears away.

Felix was standing in the doorway to the living room, his face a stony mask. 

"Felix—" 

"I _told_ you not to get involved!"

For a moment, Hyunjin's face fell, but it quickly turned back to anger. "Lix, I can't just let him treat you like that!"

Felix hurried over to Jisung, kneeling beside him and drawing Jisung into his arms. Jisung gasped, surprised, and started crying again, hiccuping into Felix's shirt. 

"Jisungie, don't cry." Felix smoothed back Jisung's wild bedhead. "Shhh, come on now. It's okay."

"I'm— s-s-sorry—" Jisung wailed. He couldn't catch his breath. 

"What is going on here?"

Everyone in the room froze. Chan was in the doorway, arms crossed, expression dark and stern. When he used that low, too-steady tone of voice, everyone knew they were in trouble. None of them spoke, and the only sound was Jisung desperately trying to control his choked sobs. 

Chan frowned deeper. He pointed at Hyunjin. "On the couch," he ordered. Hyunjin jumped at his words and hurried to sit down next to Felix and Jisung, who was still sniffling. 

"Who's going to tell me what happened here?"

Felix and Hyunjin looked at each other. Jisung wanted to speak up, to explain that it was all his fault, but he couldn't form words. 

"It's my fault," Felix said. "I'll take care of it."

Usually, that's what Chan wanted to hear. Their leader hated excuses— he just wanted to know that the person realized their mistake and would make sure it didn't happen again.

But this time, Chan shook his head and knelt down in front of the trio. His eyes were softer now. "Not good enough today, Lix," he said, patting Felix's thigh. "I need to know what caused all this."

"Jisung led Felix on," Hyunjin blurted out. Felix shot him a glare, and Hyunjin shifted uncomfortably, eyes on the floor. It didn't stop him, though. "And then dumped him for Minho."

Silence. 

Finally Felix cleared his throat. "I'm fine," he said stubbornly, and Jisung's heart broke for the second time that morning. Even now— even after everything Jisung had done to him— Felix was still being kind. _We don't deserve him._ **_I_ ** _don't deserve him._

"We just had a fling." Felix's words hit him out of nowhere, sharp and painful, like the sting of a scorpion's tail. "It's nothing. We're both fine." Felix glanced at Jisung. "Aren't we, Sungie?"

 _No!_ A voice inside of Jisung screamed out. _It's not fine! It wasn't nothing!_ "Y-yeah," he stammered. "We're… fine."

He could feel Hyunjin's glare like fire on his skin. But what was even worse was the way Felix didn't even look at him. 

Chan was quiet, and Jisung knew he was weighing their words. Finally he sighed.

"Cancel everything after practice tonight." He got to his feet. "We're having a family meeting."

  
  
  
  


Getting through the rest of the day was torture. All Chan wanted to do was run to Woojin; let the older boy wrap those strong arms around him and kiss the top of his head and tell him everything was going to be okay. Or let himself corner Changbin in their room, pull the younger one into bed and just drift to sleep with the weight of him on his chest. Safe. 

But he couldn't. He had to get through practice; had to show everyone a confident, unbothered face. Even if inside, he was crumbling. 

_I let it happen again._

That's all he could think. Over and over. 

He'd let Felix down once before, during their survival show. He had no idea how much the other Australian boy was struggling, and it ended with him getting eliminated. Pulled away from their family. Not forever, thankfully— but it _could_ have been. He'd promised himself back then that he would never slip again; he would be _there_ for his members. Always. No matter what. 

And yet… here they were. Again.

Chan had let himself get too swept up in the arms of his lovers, in the comfort and safety and bliss of being loved and _in_ love. So swept up that he didn't even notice the relationships of the _other_ people he cared about going to shit right in front of his eyes. 

His heart wouldn't stop racing. Over and over in his mind, he saw Felix's face the night he was eliminated. His chest was getting tight, it was hard to breathe—

"Hyung."

A soft hand touched Chan's wrist. Delicate fingers and pointed, well-kept nails. 

Changbin. 

The two of them looked at each other, and for Chan, that look said everything. He saw the concern in Changbin's eyes, but also a steady, radiating warmth. Changbin's fingers moved down Chan's wrist, his dry, smooth skin making a sound like paper brushing against paper until their fingers were intertwined. Changbin squeezed. 

It was what he needed. Changbin's touch anchored him; pulled Chan out of his head and into the present moment. Practice was finally over. The other members were in various states of togetherness around the spacious practice room, some of them laying on the cool floor, others wiping the sweat from their brows and chugging water. Minho had his shirt off and was standing bent over a floor vent, letting the AC cool his sweat-soaked skin. 

Looking around at his team, Chan's heart swelled. This was the place where they spent most of their time— sweating together, trying and failing and trying again. Together. 

"Alright," he called out suddenly. Everyone turned to look at him. "Family meeting. Right here, right now."

A range of expressions looked back at him. Jisung immediately gravitated to Minho's side, who put an arm around the younger boy. Felix's face lost all of its color, and Chan saw Hyunjin make his way over to sit next to Felix on the hardwood. Not touching, but just there. The others mainly looked confused. 

Chan took a deep breath, and as he did, Changbin squeezed his hand before letting go. He knew Chan had to do this alone. 

"I'm sure you've all noticed that certain… relationships… have started to develop." He chose his words carefully. "And before I say anything else, I want you all to know that I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

"It's healthy to explore your feelings, as long as you're being safe and respectful. To _everyone_ involved." His eyes flitted towards Jisung, who was staring very intently at the floor. "Other people have the luxury of doing whatever they want, without considering the consequences. But you know that's never been the case for our career path. We have to be careful about what we do, where we go… and who we date. You all know this already." Heads began nodding around the room. 

"But I think we need to realize that whatever happens inside of our group affects _all_ of us."

He let his words sink in. Some people didn't really seem bothered by them— Seungmin was staring back at Chan blankly, and Minho had the same glassy, far-away look in his eyes that he always had during their meetings. Others, though, were positively squirming. Jisung and Hyunjin both looked like they were about to cry.

Woojin spoke next. "I think this is a good place to pause and see if anyone has anything they want to say."

Chan was thankful. Chan himself had no problems talking about difficult topics, but he always tended to forget that the others could be intimidated by him sometimes. Woojin always helped make the environment more open. 

To Chan's surprise, Jeongin was the first to speak. "I hate it when you guys fight." His straw-colored fringe covered his eyes, but Chan could still see the unhappy line of his eyebrows knitting together. "It makes the dorm feel bad."

Everyone looked a little guilty. If there was one person nobody ever fought with, it was Jeongin. Even though he constantly pushed them away and rejected their overzealous cuddles, underneath the surface he was always very sensitive to how everyone else was feeling. 

"That's a good example of what I meant," Chan said after he let Jeongin's words sit for a few moments. "Even if we don't mean to, all of our actions have an effect on the group as a whole." 

He inhaled sharply. He knew what he needed to say next, and it wasn't easy. 

"I've been…." He hesitated. He couldn't seem to find the right words. "I…."

"You can tell us, hyung," Seungmin said. The others nodded. 

"It's okay," Felix added. 

Despite his nervousness, Chan smiled as he was once again reminded of just how lucky he was. His heart stopped hammering quite so loudly in his chest. "I've been very close with Woojin and Changbin lately." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Changbin smile and Woojin sit up a little straighter. "But I can see now that I wasn't balancing my attention fairly, and I missed everything that was going on with you guys. If I had been paying attention, I could've stopped everything before it got to this level. I'm sorry."

"Hyung—"

"It's not your fault—"

"Channie, don't think like that—"

The other boys had forgotten the tension and were falling over themselves to reach some part of Chan, hugging and patting and squeezing him. But then Jisung's voice stood out. 

"I won't let you take the fall for me, hyung." Everyone's heads snapped up to look at the other boy, and his expression made Chan's heart hurt. He looked overwhelmingly sad. 

"The only person who fucked up here is me." Silent tears started streaming down his face. "First I hurt Minho. And then Felix. Nobody else did anything wrong." He was sniffling now. "Just m-me."

Chan was about to go into damage control mode, but Woojin's hand on his stopped him. The oldest boy gestured ever so slightly to the corner of their circle. 

Hyunjin was squeezing himself in between the boys to sit directly in front of Jisung. They were sitting knee-to-knee, and Hyunjin grabbed both of Jisung's hands in his own. The gesture was soft, but Chan could see tension in Hyunjin's shoulders and knew he was doing his best to hold back his anger. 

"It's not wrong to have feelings for two people," Hyunjin said. "I don't think you're wrong, Ji. But if that's how you feel, you have to be fair to _both_ of them."

Jisung's eyes went wide. He looked… scared.

"What? I don't—" He bit his lip, eyes flitting back towards Minho. "I never said…."

Hyunjin scowled. "You didn't have to say it. I can tell, stupid."

"Hyunjin," Chan warned. Hyunjin had a tendency to fall back into the pair's old ways when he was agitated, and Chan did _not_ want a repeat of some of those screaming matches. 

A soft, low voice joined the mix. "I told you I don't mind, Ji." It was Minho. "I can share you, if it makes you happy."

Jisung's face was scarlet now. He looked like he was being torn in two. "B-but— that's… weird." His voice at the end was barely a whisper. 

"It's not weird," Woojin said. He tightened his grasp on Chan's hand. "That's how I feel."

"Me, too," Changbin chimed in.

Chan wanted to say something. He wanted to tell them the truth. He— 

"That _is_ kind of weird."

It was Seungmin. He was chewing on his lower lip, looking perturbed. "Like, I'm not judging you. But you have to admit it's not conventional. Same-sex relationships are one thing, but polyamory?" He frowned. "It's weird."

Woojin bristled beside him, and Chan could see Changbin shrink down into himself. His desire to confess instantly gave way to his need to maintain peace.

"You're entitled to feel that way," Chan said evenly. "But I hope we can keep this a judgement-free zone. We want everyone to be comfortable, no matter what, right?"

Everyone nodded, even Seungmin. 

"Okay. That brings me back to the original reason for this meeting." He looked each of them in the eye briefly, gauging their moods and reactions. "Again, I support exploring your feelings, and developing whatever kind of personal relationship with each other you feel is right.

 _"But."_ He paused for emphasis. "The group comes first. If these things start causing problems…" Chan gulped. He didn't like to think about it. "Well, I just need you all to agree. Nine or none."

They all repeated after him. _"Nine or none."_

None of them had any idea just what kind of meaning that phrase carried for Chan.

  
  
  
  
  


"Felix, I— oh."

Jisung froze in the doorway to his room. He didn't expect to walk in on— this. 

Felix scrambled to a sitting position, his cheeks glowing red in the dim light from their mood lamp. Hyunjin looked far less apologetic, simply rolling onto his side and propping himself up on his elbow to stare cooly at Jisung. 

"Need something, Ji?" Hyunjin drawled. 

Felix elbowed him. "Jinnie, don't be mean. Jisung… sorry. Hi."

"Hi," Jisung said back awkwardly. He didn't know what to do. 

No, that wasn't true. He knew what he came here to do. The fact that he'd just walked in on Hyunjin and Felix sucking face didn't change that. He would just say what he needed to say, and then leave. 

He cleared his throat. "I came to apologize. Can I— uh, can I come in for a sec?"

"Yeah," Felix said quickly. "Yeah, of course."

"It's _your_ room," Hyunjin added. _Smartass._

Jisung walked over to Changbin's bed and sat down, facing the other two. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to pretend like Hyunjin wasn't there. "I owe you an apology."

"Ji—"

"Let me finish. Please." Jisung's fingers curled into fists on his knees. "I need to say this, okay?"

Felix nodded, and Jisung didn't miss the way Felix leaned back, just a little, against Hyunjin's big, solid form. He pushed away the twinge of jealousy. 

"I totally ghosted you," Jisung said. "And that was super shitty of me. Like… especially after everything we talked about."

He closed his eyes. He'd replayed the next part in his mind over and over, but that didn't make it any easier to get out. "But… the reason I didn't talk to you about it is because, um. I didn't want it to end? Which I know doesn't make sense, but like, I felt like if I told you about Minho, then whatever you and I had would be over. But if I never brought it up, then… I didn't have to face it." He heaved a heavy sigh and put his face in his hands. "Saying it out loud makes it sound even shittier, wow."

"No," Felix said softly. "I get it. I'm— I can't pretend like I'm not hurt, Ji. But… I understand."

The bed creaked as Hyunjin finally sat up, draping an arm over Felix's shoulders. Hyunjin's gaze was piercing— Jisung wanted to look away, but he didn't. 

"So what's your plan now, Jisung?" Hyunjin asked. Jisung hated the cold tone to his voice. _I guess I deserve it, though._

"I, uh… didn't really have a plan. I just wanted to say sorry."

"Well, do you still want to be with him?"

"Hyunjin, I'm _right_ here," Felix scowled. 

Hyunjin didn't respond. He was staring at Jisung, his eyes sharp and cold. Waiting. 

"I…" Jisung hesitated. "I do. I want to. But—"

The second the word left his mouth, Hyunjin rolled his eyes and made a _tch_ noise. "More excuses, huh?"

"No! I just… I don't know how this works. Is it really okay? To be with two people at the same time?"

At that, Hyunjin's expression actually softened and he squeezed Felix's shoulder reassuringly. "Told you," he said simply.

Felix broke out into a shy grin. "I'm okay with it, if you are."

Warmth flooded Jisung's chest. He'd never in a million years imagined things turning out like this. "So… how—?"

"Come here," Hyunjin said.

_Is this—?_

Jisung pushed the thought away and got his feet, a little unsteady. His pulse was racing. But he made his way over to the other bed, standing in front of it awkwardly— until Hyunjin grabbed his hand. The older boy rubbed his thumb over Jisung's knuckles; once, twice, and then Hyunjin placed Jisung's hand on the warm skin of Felix's neck. 

He was nervous, but… excited, too. He missed Felix's skin. Felix was warmer than Minho; his skin was slightly rougher, damaged by years of Australian summer sun. Jisung liked the way it felt underneath his fingertips. 

His hand followed the path it still remembered, even after months apart. He trailed his fingers along the line of Felix's neck, lifting the younger boy's chin— and then leaned in close, placing a kiss on Felix's waiting lips. 

The other boy melted into him and it was like they had never been apart. Their bodies gravitated towards each other, Jisung gently laying Felix back on the bed, his own body following. But— this time something was different. Some _one._

Hyunjin was on Felix's other side, sliding his hands underneath Felix's shirt and kissing the exposed skin. Jisung was aware of it, but he kept on as he was, hands tangling in Felix's hair and their lips locked together. 

Then Felix gasped into Jisung's mouth, even though Jisung hadn't done anything. He pulled away from their kiss and saw the cause of the noise— Hyunjin had Felix's pants down, and his mouth wrapped around the younger boy's cock. 

Hyunjin saw Jisung looking, and grinned. 

Or, grinned as best he could with his mouth full. Jisung could see the smile in his eyes, and he _knew_ what Hyunjin was doing. This was a challenge. Hyunjin was trying to rile him up, trying to get a reaction from him. It was their old game, one that stuck around even after they finally got over their differences and became friends. Like a… friendly rivalry, of sorts. 

He had no idea Hyunjin would carry it over to _this._

If this was how Hyunjin wanted to play, though, then Jisung was more than prepared to meet the challenge. He didn't know how long Hyunjin and Felix had been doing this sort of thing, but there was no way it was longer than Jisung and Felix had. Jisung was confident he knew Felix better than anyone else in the dorm—

—and he knew _just_ how to make Felix squirm.

He broke their kiss to pull Felix's shirt off, then kissed a line from Felix's neck to his stomach, careful to avoid bumping Hyunjin's head. Jisung's hands ran lightly over the muscles of Felix's abs, and he was rewarded with a low moan and Felix's hand tangling in his hair. He knew that Felix was proud of his body, and it turned the other boy on to know that Jisung liked it, too. He grinned to himself.

"I missed you," Jisung mumbled. He pinched one of Felix's nipples between his fingers. "So much."

"Stop," Felix half-giggled, half-moaned. 

Hyunjin lifted his head and Felix groaned. "Not you!"

"You want more?" Hyunjin teased. Felix nodded eagerly. 

"Please," he begged. 

There was a wicked smile on Hyunjin's face as he lowered his head again, and Jisung's temper flared. He couldn't let Hyunjin outdo him on this, he just couldn't. 

So Jisung sat up and started pulling off his rings, one by one. When Felix noticed, the younger boy's eyes went wide. "Jisung," he moaned. "Yes yes yes _yes,_ god, please—"

The begging put a cocky smile on Jisung's face. They never made it all the way to fucking, but Felix absolutely fell apart on Jisung's fingers. The younger boy was endlessly frustrated by his own small hands, and there were days when he actually _begged_ Jisung to get finger-fucked. 

Felix didn't take his eyes off Jisung's fingers, and Jisung's chest swelled with pride. "Can you move over a bit?" he asked Hyunjin sweetly. 

Hyunjin's mouth popped off of Felix's cock and he flashed an equally fake-sweet smile. "Anything for our princess." 

 _Princess._ Jisung almost snorted, but then he saw how Felix's cheeks reddened and a small, shy smile danced on his lips, and he bit it back. Felix liked that?

Apparently Jisung didn't know him as well as he thought he did. 

Jisung scowled and turned away, lowering himself to start searching for Felix's little box of sex stuff under the bed— but then fingers brushed his wrist and he looked up to see Hyunjin, holding the slick travel-sized bottle out to him. "Here," Hyunjin said. "Hold out your hand."

Jisung did. Cautiously. But Hyunjin just squirted a generous amount on Jisung's hand, then flipped the cap closed and set it carefully down at the edge of the bed before going back to take Felix in his mouth again. And just like that, the mood had changed from adversarial to… something else. Something heated.

He pushed it to the back of his mind and settled in to the familiar spot in front of Felix's open legs. Without warning, he slipped a finger inside. 

 _"Hhh—!"_ Felix cried out, bucking his hips up. Jisung heard Hyunjin gag. "S-s-sorry, H-Hyunjin— Jesus fuck, Jisung, god—"

Felix always got religious when he begged. It was hot. 

Jisung _could_ draw this out. He could go slow; make Felix _really_ beg for it. Make the younger boy's whole body shake with how badly he wanted to cum. 

But it had been a long time. And there would be more chances for that, in the future. 

A future Jisung was just beginning to see.

Second finger. Felix's eyelids were fluttering; he couldn't keep them open. "Yes-yes-yes- _yes,"_ he panted, over and over again, like a prayer. 

Jisung stopped at two. He knew Felix liked being stroked from the inside more than he liked being stretched. So he crooked his fingers hard, massaging the slick, rubbery-feeling skin in time with Hyunjin's movements up and down Felix's cock. 

Felix cried out; a short, high-pitched sound that hung in the air. Felix always got embarrassed when he started making noises like that, and did his best to keep himself quiet. Jisung liked it— he could tell just how close Felix was getting by how much noise the other boy made. 

"H-h-hn— Jinnie, S-sung— _ah,_ I c-can't—" 

Most of the words were just gibberish, but Jisung and Hyunjin both understood anyway. Hyunjin pulled back, wiping his mouth on his shoulder (his hands had taken over on Felix's cock). "Cum for us, princess."

Jisung shivered at Hyunjin's voice. It was low and sultry, and Jisung had never heard it like that before. He kind of had a… _thing_ for vocal tones. It probably had to do with him being a producer, or at least that's what he'd always told himself. All he knew was that certain vocal tones had an immediate effect on him. It was part of why Felix turned him on so easily— Felix's voice was so unique and low, and when Felix was whispering to him, it sent shivers down Jisung's spine. 

If Jisung had been hard before, now he was aching. All because of Hyunjin's voice. He hoped Hyunjin didn't notice. Jisung would just die. 

"Come on, Lixie," Jisung urged, shifting his focus back to the boy on the bed. Felix's body was trembling and his mouth was slightly parted, his longish blonde hair spread out around him on the bed like an unearthly halo. "Want your cum." He couldn't bring himself to say _princess,_ even though part of him wanted to see how Felix would react to that word coming out of Jisung's mouth. _Next time._

Jisung thrust his fingers in as far as they would go, curling upwards towards Felix's belly, making short but hard little strokes inside the blonde boy, relentless, until Felix was panting in time with his movements, high-pitched and needy. He was close. 

Hyunjin seemed to sense it, too, and added his hand just below his mouth on Felix's cock. Jisung could just imagine what it felt like, the tight grip of Hyunjin's large hand followed by his soft, plump lips, swollen from friction—

"H-hh— _ah—_ I'm—"

Felix didn't even manage to get the words out before he came. Jisung only knew it was happening because he felt Felix's body contract around his fingers, and then he saw Hyunjin's throat bob, presumably swallowing Felix's load. Another shiver ran down Jisung's spine. 

Jisung waited a few moments before he pulled his fingers out, making Felix wince. The younger boy looked so pretty like this, all fucked out and flushed and trying to catch his breath, and Jisung was suddenly struck with just how much he'd missed Felix. _Maybe you should tell him,_ a little voice in his head insisted. The little voice of reason that he rarely heard and listened to even less. 

"Felix…" Jisung breathed. He didn't know where to start. "I— _oof!"_

Suddenly he was on his back, laying next to Felix on the bed. And Hyunjin was leaning over him.

"Plenty of time for confessions later, Ji," Hyunjin said with a grin. His hands were tugging at Jisung's shorts. (Not enough to pull them down— it was more like a proposal of movement rather than a committed action, Jisung noticed.)

"What are you doing?" Jisung asked, only a little suspicious. 

"Call it… a reward," Hyunjin said. His hands stilled, a few fingers in direct contact with Jisung's skin. The spots they touched felt like they were on fire, and Jisung didn't understand why he was so hard right now. "If you want it," Hyunjin added. 

"I…"

He didn't know what to say. Jisung had never been good at thinking before he spoke, really, and right now he was tempted to shut his mind down and just let whatever happened, happen. 

But— Felix.

"Lix?" The name was a question, one Jisung hoped Felix would understand— because he didn't know how to put everything into words. How do you say, _'I think I love you and I'm really glad you're not mad at me for abandoning you and thank you for letting me back into your life but is it gonna ruin things between us if I want Hyunjin to suck my dick right now, too?'_ Because that was a lot. 

Felix reached out and found Hyunjin's hand, giving it a little squeeze. "I think… I think it's okay, Ji." He still sounded out of breath, and Jisung's heart thumped. Felix just made him feel so _different_ from Minho. But they were both good, in their own unique ways.

And… and maybe Hyunjin made him feel some kind of way, too.

Instead of replying, Jisung hooked his free thumb in the waistband of his own shorts and pulled them down. Hyunjin smiled at him— a devilish little grin— and yanked the shorts down to Jisung's ankles before climbing on top of him, Hyunjin's legs trapping Jisung's in place. Hyunjin was straddling him a little above his knees, the older boy's back curving prettily as he bent down to— _fuck._

Hyunjin's mouth felt amazing.

Minho was pretty good at blowjobs (although it was probably half because he knew just what to say to get Jisung all excited before they even began). Felix was okay at blowjobs. His mouth usually got tired and he switched to using his hands pretty quickly. Hyunjin was— it was like blowjobs were an art, and Hyunjin had dedicated his life to mastering his craft. 

Jisung couldn't even explain what felt so good, so _different_ about it. He could barely think anything at all. "Fuck," he blurted out. "Just— _fuck."_

He thought he felt Hyunjin giggle around his dick, and that's when Jisung lost it. All rational thought abandoned him and the only thing he could do was stare at Hyunjin hunched over him, pretty lips gliding up and down his dick, and try to last more than a minute. 

He was dimly aware of Felix shifting next to him, turning his small body to curl against Jisung, never letting go of his hand. Felix started placing little kisses on Jisung's neck, and his low voice murmured nothings in between. 

But Jisung couldn't take his eyes off of Hyunjin, and that's when he realized what exactly made the other boy so good at this. Everyone else treated blowjobs like an _action._ Like an event. 

Hyunjin treated it like a _performance._

He made sure that his audience couldn't look away, couldn't think about anything else. Made sure they would remember Hwang Hyunjin and the show he put on for them. It was annoying— and hot as hell.

Just then Hyunjin paused and gazed up at Jisung through his eyelashes. The look was sultry and maddening, and Hyunjin paired it with the slow, firm motion of his thumb rubbing circles into the most sensitive part of Jisung's dick, where the skin of his shaft met the slick, swollen head. 

"I want you to cum for me, Jisung," Hyunjin said in his husky stage voice. 

And that did it. Jisung's sensitivity to vocal tones (and by now, his sensitivity to pretty much anything) sent a shock through his body at Hyunjin's command, and he came instantly. The only friction was Hyunjin rubbing his thumb against Jisung's cockhead, and yet he still had one of the most intense orgasms of his life. He tried to buck his hips up but Hyunjin's body held him in place, and Felix's hand tightened around his as if to ground him. Jisung might have moaned, but he honestly wasn't sure. 

When he finally came down from his high, his tummy felt sticky and his body felt tingly and— _what the fuck?_

Hyunjin had shimmied up Jisung's body, so that instead of straddling Jisung's legs he was now sitting on Jisung's hips. And— and his hand was wrapped around his own dick, and he was _jerking himself off._ Onto Jisung's _chest._

"The fuck?" Jisung managed to mumble through his haze, his free hand weakly lifting up to push against Hyunjin's hips. But Hyunjin was solid, and Jisung's touch did nothing. 

(Or maybe he wasn't actually trying that hard.)

"If you don't want me to, tell me now," Hyunjin said breathily. If Jisung were a little more lucid he probably would have noticed the amount of effort Hyunjin was putting into controlling his voice— but in his current state, Jisung noticed nothing. Well, other than Hyunjin's dick in his face. Which was, to be honest, _definitely_ something worth noticing. 

All the members knew Hyunjin was big. It was hard not to notice— he was always complaining about his pants being tight there, and of course, the fans' photos had a certain… focus… to them. But he didn't realize just what that meant until Hyunjin's cock was taking up his entire field of vision. Even Hyunjin's large hands didn't make his erection look any smaller.

"Jisung," Hyunjin panted. "T-tell me."

It wasn't like Hyunjin to stutter, and _that_ of all things was what snapped Jisung out of his stupor. "Uh, it's okay," Jisung answered. His hand on Hyunjin's thigh that had just moments ago been trying to push him away gripped the skin there instead. Hyunjin had such smooth, beautiful skin. Underneath his clothes he was covered in beauty marks, dark little spots that stood out on his otherwise perfectly smooth skin. Jisung's finger found one on his hip, and he pressed against it. 

Without any warning Hyunjin's arms tensed, gripping himself _hard,_ and he let out a strangled moan before releasing his load all over Jisung's chest and neck. 

The three of them were still then, just trying to catch their breath in the empty, quiet room. Just listening to each other, feeling the rhythm of each other's breathing and fingers splaying out to reach bits of the others' skin. 

Making a connection. 

  
  
  
  


"Do you really think the hyungs are weird?"

Jeongin was laying in his own bed, squished to the side by Seungmin's body. It was one of the rare times that Jeongin let the older boy stay instead of kicking him out. It was cold today. 

Seungmin put down his phone and stared up at the ceiling. His leg moved against Jeongin's absentmindedly. "You mean fucking each other randomly?" He asked. 

Jeongin scrunched his nose up. "Gross, hyung." He untangled his legs from Seungmin's and drew them close to his body. "I don't think it's _random._ I think… I think they, like, love each other, or whatever."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex," Seungmin said matter-of-factly. "And I don't think there's anything wrong with having sex with other guys. But…" 

He was silent for awhile, but Jeongin didn't push him. He knew Seungmin was thinking through what he wanted to say. 

"But I just don't see how it's okay for them to just sleep around like that. With so many people at once."

Now it was Jeongin's turn to think. The two of them were comfortable like this— they didn't need to be chattering constantly, like Jisung and Changbin. Seungmin had his hyper moments, but he had quiet ones, too. Jeongin and Hyunjin were the only ones he shared those moments with, though. 

"I could see it, though," Jeongin said carefully. "How maybe they all… I don't know. Maybe they all want to be with each other."

Seungmin turned on his side to face Jeongin. He was frowning. "Do you...?" He didn't finish the question, but he didn't have to.

"I don't know," Jeongin said again. "You know how I feel about stuff like that. It's… complicated."

"Okay." Seungmin didn't push him. Jeongin could tell that bringing up the subject of his own sexuality had made Seungmin soften. He didn't talk about it often, and Seungmin knew it was a sensitive subject. 

"But it would make me feel better if you didn't think the hyungs are weird," Jeongin said in a small voice. 

Seungmin's hand found his under the blankets. "I'll work on it," he promised. 

And that was enough for Jeongin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting close to ot9! I think I'm gonna split this up into two works-- this will be the origin story, and then I'll make another for the smutty oneshots. 
> 
> it's getting a little tough to come up with new sex scenarios, so please tell me in the comments any scenarios/kinks/pairings you want to see! no promises, but I need inspo.


	6. [ch6] minbin + seungchan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he'd gotten used to having someone in his bed at night. And maybe it was starting to feel just a little empty these past few days.

"Aren't you tired, Bin?"

Changbin raised his head up from the arm of the couch, blinking against the light. He had obviously been asleep until this very moment. 

"No," Changbin said defiantly. 

Minho flopped down on the opposite side of the couch. "Binnie, I can literally see drool on the side of your face. Why don't you go to bed?"

A pout formed on Changbin's face, and Minho had to stop himself from smiling. Changbin really did have the most natural aegyo out of all the members, especially when the younger boy did it unconsciously. 

"My room is really quiet," Changbin said eventually, drawing his legs up closer to his body. Minho saw his pink socked feet rubbing against each other and recognized it as Changbin's nervous habit, and then everything clicked into place. 

"Ah. Cause all your little pets are gone?" Changbin's roommates, Jisung and Felix, had gone home over the short break, and so had Chan and Woojin. Changbin's parents were out of town for his father's job, so he was stuck at the dorm. Minho would have enjoyed having a whole room to himself, but Changbin didn't like to be alone.

"Yeah…" Changbin sighed. "I hardly slept last night."

"How did you sleep at home? Didn't you have your own room? Rich bitch and all."

Changbin let out a puff of laughter, his cheeks reddening. It was impossible to insult him. He was too good-natured all the time. It was one of the things Minho liked about him. "My parents and my sister always came to say goodnight," he mumbled. "And I could always hear my sister's TV."

Minho stared at him. He didn't mean to— people always told him that he looked intimidating when he stared at them. But he just needed time to think about things. 

Usually, Minho wouldn't bother doing this. It's not like he didn't care about Changbin. He cared about _all_ of the members. Deeply. He just preferred to be alone, and he knew that his main job was to keep himself healthy and sane. If he couldn't function properly, it wasn't good for the group as a whole.

He didn't want Changbin to suffer, though. Not if Minho could do something about it. 

And… maybe he'd gotten used to having someone in his bed at night. And maybe it was starting to feel just a _little_ empty these past few days. 

"Come on," Minho said. He stood up and walked towards the hallway, then turned around and waited for Changbin.

The sleepy younger boy just blinked. "Huh?"

Minho clicked his tongue. "I'll sleep with you, you big baby. Come on!"

A smile broke out on Changbin's face, and he leapt to his feet. Minho could practically _see_ his imaginary tail wagging. 

The room Changbin shared with Jisung and Felix was a mixture of organization and chaos. Jisung's bed on the top bunk was covered in laundry and stuffed animals, a mess that overflowed down the side of the bed into the corner of the room. The rest was relatively neat, and Changbin's single bed actually looked cozy and inviting with its grey chambray sheets and fluffy comforter. Some of the other boys hardly bothered to put sheets on the bed. 

Changbin dove onto the bed excitedly and disappeared completely under the covers, shuffling around underneath the blankets before emerging with a smile on his face and his hair all messed up. Minho shook his head and went to join him.

It was a little awkward, and Minho realized this was probably the first time he and Changbin had been alone together in bed. Ever since his trainee days, when Changbin had taught him how to rap for the survival show, he'd always kind of felt that Changbin was… on a different level. Not higher, or better. Just different. It created a barrier of formality between them; one that wasn't uncomfortable but just _was._

The other boy didn't seem to feel that now, though. He was bouncing slightly in the bed, his small, plump lips in a wide smile and his eyes trained on Minho's every move. Waiting for him.

"Move over," Minho grunted, slipping underneath the blankets. He naturally arranged himself around the other boy, already used to the small, wiggling form from cuddling Jisung. Once his arms were wrapped around Changbin's small but solid body, the younger boy stopped moving so much and began to calm. He snuggled his head into Minho's chest.

"Better?"

Minho felt more than saw Changbin nod. "Mm-hmph," the younger boy mumbled against Minho's shirt. "Thank you, hyung."

Minho just patted Changbin's head in response, letting his eyes drift close. Having Changbin snuggled against him felt like a big, warm cat. 

He was almost asleep when he felt Changbin shift. "Hyung?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you… tell me about Jisung?"

Minho blinked down at him. "What do you mean?" It was an odd request. 

"I dunno, like… little things you know about him. Cause you're close, and stuff."

"And you're not?"

Changbin scrunched his nose up. "We spend a lot of time together, but— I dunno, it's like… work time. And we usually just talk about songs and lyrics. Sometimes we talk about deep stuff, but it's not, like…"

"Intimate."

The younger boy's head snapped up to look at him. "W-what?"

"It's not intimate. You want to know what he's like when he lets his walls down."

Changbin hid his face in Minho's chest again. "Yeah, I guess," he mumbled shyly. 

_Interesting._ Minho couldn't say he was surprised, not exactly, but he wondered if Changbin even realized it himself yet.

"You want to be closer to him, don't you?"

"Huh—? No, I—"

"It's not like I would be mad, Binnie. We can talk about it."

The other boy didn't answer, so Minho nudged him. "Talk to me and then I'll tell you about Sungie, how about that?"

"... Okay." Changbin wiggled himself around until his head was poking out of the blankets instead of buried in Minho's chest, and he gazed at Minho with his big, dark eyes. He had a captivating stare, and Minho was pretty sure he didn't realize just how powerful it was. "He's younger than me, but… in 3racha I always feel like the youngest. He never acts vulnerable around me. He's always in control of everything." Changbin pouted. "But with you, he seems so… soft."

Okay, that surprised Minho a little bit. He didn't expect Changbin to be quite so self-aware. 

"Do you want him to let you act like the hyung?"

"No." Changbin's response was quick. "I like being taken care of."

Minho chuckled. "I know you do. What is it you want, then?"

"I dunno… I want to see _all_ his sides. I want him to let me in."

"Hm." 

To Minho, it sounded like a crush. Changbin just hadn't realized it yet. 

"Okay, good boy," Minho said, only half teasing. He reached out and tickled underneath Changbin's chin, like he would a cat, and earned a sweet little giggle from the other boy. Minho pulled him close again, and began petting Changbin's hair as he spoke.

"Sungie is really cute," he started. "He's usually self conscious about it, but with me, he stops trying to hide it. He likes to be taken care of, just like you."

"Really?" Changbin's dark eyes were sparkling.

"Yup. When he wants something, he kind of puffs out his cheeks a little bit. Sometimes he even bites his lip, too, and he looks just like a little squirrel."

"Cute," Changbin cooed.

"It _is_ cute." Minho started winding his hand in Changbin's hair, slow and absentminded. "He gets whiny when he wants something, too." His voice lowered, became husky. "But he can't get the words out to tell me what he wants. So he just whines at me, or he just goes, ' _hyung—'_ until I give him what he wants."

Changbin was silent. Minho noticed he'd started chewing on his lip, and he was shifting around in the bed, unable to stay still. A wicked little instinct awoke inside of Minho, and he put his lips to Changbin's ear.

"When he cums, his eyes squeeze shut and he has the prettiest expression on his face. Like he's about to cry."

"Hhhh…" 

Changbin was squirming now. He tried to move his body away, but it was too late. Minho felt the other boy's erection brush against his own hip, and his hands tightened around Changbin's body. Not tight enough that Changbin couldn't pull away if he wanted to, but tight enough to send a message. _Stay._

"Hyung…"

Minho moved closer to Changbin, and slotted his thigh in between the other boy's legs. Changbin shuddered at the contact, and his little Cupid's bow of a mouth fell open. Minho smiled to himself. 

"Thinking about Jiji makes you feel good, doesn't it, Binnie baby?"

Changbin whined, and he began rutting against Minho's thigh. The blush on the other boy's cheeks sent a thrill through Minho's body, one that he rarely felt for anyone other than Jisung. It wasn't as intense as when he was with the person he labeled _soulmate,_ but it still felt… nice. He wanted to touch himself— to explore this feeling he didn't think he had— but decided to focus on Changbin instead. 

He wrapped an arm around Changbin's slim waist, pulling the other boy closer and increasing the pressure between them. Changbin's eyes squeezed shut and his movements became more frantic. 

Suddenly, an idea flashed through Minho's mind. There was something he was curious about— something he had picked up on a long time ago, and wanted to see if his hunch was right. 

"You're gonna come from just this?" He made sure his tone had an air of derision in it. Not enough to be downright mean, but definitely a little bite. He watched Changbin intently for a reaction.

As he expected, Changbin gasped, his hips bucking extra hard. He immediately hid his face in Minho's shirt, hands clutching desperately at the material. "Uh-huh," he answered, his voice barely audible from being muffled in Minho's chest.

_I knew it._ A surge of arousal coursed through Minho. "That's kind of pathetic, isn't it?" he mocked. The grind of Changbin's erection against his thigh felt _so_ good. "You don't even need anyone to touch you. You're just gonna hump my leg like a dog. That's so embarrassing."

_"Ah— h-hnnn…"_

Changbin couldn't even form words anymore. The other boy's hips were stuttering frantically, and Minho could tell he was close. "Well, go on and come then, if you're so desperate."

_"Ahhh!!"_

Changbin's body trembled as he came. Minho could feel the wetness of Changbin's load soak through Minho's thin joggers, and he held Changbin close until the tremors stopped. 

For a few minutes, Changbin just stayed as he was, panting and curled up against Minho's chest. Then eventually, he looked up. 

Minho hummed contentedly, scratching under Changbin's chin. "You did good, bunny." 

Changbin's face lit up at the nickname and the praise. "Really?"

"Mm-hmm. Such a good little bunny for Minho." He smoothed Changbin's hair back. "Are you ready to sleep now?"

The other boy nodded. His eyes were already beginning to close. "You'll stay with me, hyung?"

"Of course. Do you wanna change out of those pants?"

Changbin shook his head sleepily. "I like it."

Another wave of arousal coursed through Minho's core. He felt it like a deep ache in his belly now, and gave up hope of just ignoring it until he could fall asleep. So he waited.

Soon enough Changbin was breathing deep and steady. He looked cute when he slept. Like an innocent, round-cheeked angel.

He also slept like a rock. So after waiting a few minutes, Minho slipped out from under the covers and tip-toed to the bathroom. 

As he fisted himself over the toilet, his mind kept replaying Changbin's desperate whines. He came into a wad of toilet paper, and only felt slightly surprised that it was his first time coming to thoughts of anyone other than Han Jisung in two years. 

  
  
  
  
  


"Hyung, can we talk?"

Seungmin was standing at the entrance of Chan's studio, wringing his hands. He always felt bad coming here like this— this was Chan's space, and he felt like an intruder. Plus, Chan already had so much to worry about, and—

"Always." Chan set his headphones on the desk and spun the chair around to face Seungmin. "What's on your mind, puppy?"

The nickname made him blush. All the members compared him to a puppy, but Chan was the only one who used it as a name. "Um… I just, uh, saw something recently, and… I just don't get it, I guess."

Chan frowned. He gestured towards the grey armchair behind him, and Seungmin took a seat. 

"Okay, start from the beginning. What did you see?"

Seungmin fidgeted in the chair. It was just hard for him to talk to Chan sometimes. He felt intimidated. Distant, even. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, calming himself. Whatever he might be feeling, Seungmin was good at powering through. The members always praised him for his control. "Well, I thought… I mean, about this whole… relationship… thing— I thought some people were together. Like you, uh, three." He was stumbling over his words, unfamiliar with the terms he should be using to describe everything that was going on. "And Felix and Jisung, but also Felix and Hyunjin. And I thought Minho was just with Jisung. But…"

Chan cocked an eyebrow, clearly curious, so Seungmin went on. 

"But over the break, while you guys were gone… Minho didn't sleep in his own bed once. But Jisung wasn't here either. And then I went to ask Changbin a question one night, and— and they were like, in _bed_ together. Like, you know… doing stuff."

That was another reason why he was so hesitant to come and talk to Chan. If he and Changbin were like… boyfriends… or whatever, then wasn't Changbin cheating on him? (And Woojin?) Seungmin watched Chan's face carefully, nervous about the leader's reaction. To his surprise, Chan didn't seem phased. 

"Does that bother you?" Chan asked gently.

"Bother me?" Seungmin thought about it. "I mean… yeah," he admitted slowly. "I just… Chan, this is all so… _weird._ And I'm trying to understand it, I really am. But it's hard. And just when I think I have everything figured out, then something _else_ happens and I just— I don't know how everything is supposed to work!"

"Seungmin—"

"Like, doesn't that bother you?" Seungmin was heated now. "That Changbin was with Minho? He's not supposed to do that!"

"Seungmin, hey. Calm down." Chan grabbed both of Seungmin's hands, squeezing them tightly. "Just breathe for a second, yeah?"

_Just breathe._ Okay, he could do that. Chan's hands gripping his own made him feel grounded. Solid. He took a few deep breaths. 

"There you go. Feel a little better?"

Seungmin nodded, and Chan gave him a smile before he started to speak. "I'll start by answering your question. It doesn't bother me that Changbin and Minho were involved with each other. Changbin told me, and I fully support them."

"But— I thought you two were—"

"We are. Seungmin, I know you know what polyamory is. And I know you weren't comfortable about it the last time it was brought up. But… I'm polyamorous. It's just… how I've always felt." The leader took a deep breath, and Seungmin suddenly realized that Chan seemed nervous. "I have feelings for more than one person. So no, it doesn't bother me that one of the people I love has feelings for someone else, too."

Seungmin's eyes widened. "L-Love? You… love him?" He didn't know why, but the words made him feel small. 

"I do. Seungmin… can I tell you something? I've never told anyone this, not even Changbin or Woojin. But I want to tell you."

_Only me?_ Seungmin's heart thumped in his chest. _Why me? I'm not special._ He pushed the thoughts away. "Okay," he said.

It took Chan a moment to go on. Seungmin saw his hands shake. But when he was ready to speak, he looked Seungmin straight in the eyes. "Seungmin, I love _all_ of you."

For a second, Seungmin couldn't understand what Chan had just said. The gears in his brain turned, confused, trying to process it, and then— it clicked. 

"All of us?"

Chan nodded, biting his lip. It was the only thing that showed how nervous he really was. 

There were a million questions running through Seungmin's mind right now. But there was one that stood out. 

"Even— even me?"

Chan was crying now. Not a lot, but his eyes were red and shining and Seungmin could see tears welling up in the corners. "Even you, Kim Seungmin. From the day you greeted me at your audition."

Now Seungmin was crying too. He didn't know why— his mind was reeling, and his body felt hot and he wasn't entirely sure this was even real— but tears started streaming down his face and then Chan was hugging him, and it felt different than any hug ever had before. Seungmin felt _loved._

When both of their sniffles died down a bit, Chan pulled away, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He looked at Seungmin and giggled sheepishly, in that endearing, dorky way of his. It made Seungmin _feel_ things. 

Things that he wasn't quite ready to feel.

"Thanks for telling me," he said. "Is this— should I keep it secret?"

Chan noticed his tone and his smile faded, just a little. "No, I think… I think I'm ready for people to know. And Seungmin— I know things are confusing for you right now, and that's okay. You don't have to— I mean, I'm not expecting anything. That's not why I told you."

Seungmin smiled at Chan. This was what he loved about their leader. Chan always thought about his team, and was always the best at sensing their concerns and addressing them before they became a problem. 

"I know, hyung. I just need some time. I want to think about— about everything."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It wasn't like Seungmin had never thought about it. 

As much as he seemed uncomfortable with the whole thing, that was really just because he needed _time._

Seungmin liked rules. He liked schedules and guidelines, and he liked knowing how everything was supposed to work. If there were rules, he could follow them, and follow them well. _Write in your practice book every day?_ Done. _Memorize the choreography by next week?_ Done. Easy. 

But there were other rules. Unspoken ones. And those were much harder to follow. 

_Don't be attracted to other boys._

He'd heard that one since he was a kid. Or more like inferred it, really. So whenever those thoughts came up, he just forcefully pushed them away. _That's against the rules._

He couldn't really remember when he first started questioning whether it was really wrong or not. Was it after he met Felix? He'd always had a hunch about the foreigner boy, and he loved his friend so much he couldn't stand to think of him as wrong. Or was it even earlier than that? There were memories, maybe, but they were hazy and only half-remembered after years of being locked away. 

It was still early. Jeongin was asleep in the other top bunk, and the other two weren't in the room. 

Seungmin pulled the comforter up over his head and drew his legs up towards his body, his knees making a little tent under the blankets. They had a don't ask, don't tell policy about this— if you were quiet and discreet about it, nobody cared. They all usually had headphones in when they were in bed, anyway. 

Seungmin closed his eyes and reached inside his shorts. His dick was still soft and nestled against his tummy, but when he took it in his hand, it started to fill out. He didn't stroke it yet. He just held it still, feeling the soft, yielding skin become slowly thick and hard in his grip. 

He wondered what it would feel like to be touching Chan instead. 

His pulse quickened, and Seungmin had to quell the feeling that he was doing something wrong. _It's okay,_ he told himself. But it was a little too much so he let go, taking a few deep breaths to calm down. Instead of grabbing his dick again, he pulled his shirt up and ran his fingers lightly over the skin, thinking of Chan. 

Chan's stomach was so toned. And pale. So pale… Seungmin thought of the dark, dark hair that usually crept up the leader's belly, making a defined happy trail. Chan had been waxing it lately, but Seungmin liked it when he let it grow. Seungmin's fingers twisted in his own pubic hair, liking the slight tickling sensation it gave him. Finally calm again, he lifted his hips and pulled his pants halfway down his thighs. He was fully hard now. There was precum leaking from his tip so he slipped a finger inside his foreskin, rubbing the precum all around his head. A gasp nearly slipped from his lips, but he bit it back. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this hard. 

Seungmin spread his knees a little wider and brought his other hand down between his legs to put the barest, light pressure against his hole. He didn't like to go inside, but just touching the sensitive skin there felt good.

What would Chan do to him? Seungmin didn't know much about… _that._ He'd never been with anyone before. He'd never even had his first kiss. 

It might be nice to kiss Chan. 

Seungmin gripped himself tighter and forced himself to slow down. This felt way more intense than it normally did, and Seungmin would come way too quickly if he didn't control himself. He wondered if it was simply the thrill of thinking of something so forbidden, or if thinking about Chan would _alway_ s make him feel this way. 

A long-forgotten memory popped into his head, sudden and unbidden. Seungmin couldn't believe he'd forgotten about it— about a year ago, he had run to the handicapped single-person toilet at the practice studio. His stomach felt funny, and he didn't want to use the shared bathrooms. But the door was already locked, which was unusual. 

He almost knocked, but before he could, he heard— a _sound._ Something almost like a… moan. 

Seungmin had put his ear closer to the door. In the moment he didn't realize how creepy he was being; he was just confused and trying to figure out what was going on. What he heard were the telltale sounds of someone at the tail end of jerking off: the squelching of slick skin on skin, and muffled grunts and moans that got more and more strained in the thirty seconds he stood there. 

When he finally realized how creepy he was being, he bolted back to the practice room, his upset stomach completely forgotten. And then, two minutes later… Chan walked into the room, much too sweaty for just coming back from the bathroom, and still breathing heavily. 

Seungmin thought of Chan, touching himself in the bathroom while Seungmin stood right outside the door— and instantly came into his fist. 

"Shit," Seungmin whispered. He hadn't been ready, and the cum was leaking from his hand onto his pants. "Where the fuck are my tissues?" he mumbled to himself, twisting around in bed.

Suddenly something hit his blanket fort with a soft _thud._ He poked his head out and saw a small pink washcloth laying in the middle of his bed— and Jeongin grinning at him from the other bunk. 

"You were louder than usual today, hyung," Jeongin said with a chuckle. 

Seungmin reddened. "Shut up. Don't listen to me jerk off, pervert."

"Don't jerk off while I'm trying to sleep!"

"You had headphones in!"

The maknae just laughed. Seungmin loved that they were close enough to joke about these kinds of things. "Hey, Innie?"

"Hmm?" Jeongin turned on his side so he was facing his roommate. The bunk beds were close to each other, so they often had conversations like this when Minho and Hyunjin weren't in the room. 

"I talked to Chan earlier." He grabbed the washcloth and wiped up his stomach and hands, then pulled his pants back up, finally throwing back the cover and turning on his side, too. "He said something weird."

"Weird how?"

Seungmin thought about how to answer, and then decided simple was best. "He said he loves all of us."

"Yeah, duh."

"No, I mean— he _confessed_ to me today. Like, a love confession. And he said… he said he feels that way about _all_ of us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :0 the big confession finally came out!
> 
> thanks for reading 🖤 it took a while to post cause I was working on ficfest and a birthday fic, but I can't wait to get back into ot9. 
> 
> who do you think is coming up next? who do you want to see? let me know!


	7. [ch7] minsung + seungjin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think Changbin has a crush on you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout-out to minniesweaterpaws who's always there for me to bounce ideas off of and catch all my mistakes 🖤 this series wouldn't exist without them!

"I think Changbin has a crush on you."

Jisung looked up at his boyfriend, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "What?"

"I said, I think Changbin has a crush on you."

"Yeah, I heard what you _said,_ I'm just— how do you know?"

Minho hummed and pulled Jisung closer against him. "Because he asked me what you were like in bed. And when I told him, he came in his pants."

_Oh._

"While I was at home?" Jisung asked. "Over break?"

"Mm-hmm."

Jisung pouted. "You let someone else in your bed while I was gone?" He was just doing it to tease, but to his surprise a look of uncertainty came over his boyfriend's face. 

"Does that bother you?" Minho asked, concerned. "I didn't think—"

"Babe, it's okay," Jisung said with a small laugh. He couldn't help thinking it was cute how Minho cared so much about Jisung's reaction. He really was a sweet, caring person on the inside. "I was just playing with you, it doesn't bother me. You share me; I can share you, too." He peered up at Minho. "Wait, but I thought you said you've never been interested in anyone except for me?"

"I'm not," Minho said quickly. _Too_ quickly. There was silence between them, and then—

"I mean… I wasn't." Minho's voice was quiet and unsure, and Jisung snuggled closer to him in his lap. Minho rarely ever sounded unsure of himself in private, so this must be important. "I wasn't, at first. I only offered to sleep together 'cause Changbin seemed so pitiful. And then… I don't know. He's cute." Minho looked down at Jisung, face unreadable. "Like you."

"Did you guys mess around?"

"He humped my leg until he came and then I jerked off in the bathroom after he fell asleep."

Jisung pulled his lip between his teeth for a second, then let it out with a little _pop_. He grinned. "That sounds hot."

A devilish smile crept over Minho's face. He slid his hands up from where they'd been encircling Jisung's waist and slipped them underneath Jisung's shirt to glide over his nipples. Jisung shivered. "Yeah?" Minho purred in his ear. "You like the idea of me and Changbin together, getting all worked up over you?"

 _Wow._ Jisung had never really thought about it before, but when Minho said it like that… he could picture the two of them in his mind, Minho quietly commanding and Changbin… _Changbin._

Suddenly Minho's words were sinking in. _Changbin_ , having a crush on _him_? On Jisung? 

Jisung's cheeks heated up. It was weird, but Jisung had always thought of Changbin as kind of a younger brother. He was always falling asleep in the studio while Jisung and Chan stayed up working, and the way he always hung all over Jisung, clinging to him in the same way a baby koala clings to its mother, just gave Jisung the feeling that he had to protect Changbin from the world. Thinking about the other boy getting off to Jisung made his insides feel all twisted up. 

Minho could tell. Jisung knew it, because Minho's soft fingers pinched down on Jisung's nipples, and Jisung let out a little cry. 

 _"Hyung,"_ he whined. 

He felt a puff of air against his cheek as Minho laughed at him, the older boy's hands flicking Jisung's half-hard cock through the thin fabric of his boxers. "That turns you on so much, doesn't it?" Minho squeezed him, and it felt so, _so_ good. "You wanna hear Binnie moan, don't you? Wanna see him all wrecked and messy?"

As soon as Minho said it, the image appeared in Jisung's head: Changbin, his hyung-but-not-really, dark eyes all blown out and half-closed, his dark hair slicked down with sweat and that sweet little mouth open and begging. His cock felt suddenly slick with precome, and Minho began tugging at him with a slow, loose grip.

That was all it took for Jisung to fall apart. 

"Minho-hyung," he panted, rutting up into Minho's hand. "Want it."

"Want what, baby? Wanna see Binnie all desperate for you?"

"No! I mean— _yes,_ but— want _you_ —" Jisung always got frustrated when he was like this. The words got all jumbled up in his head, and he couldn't get them out how he wanted. If Minho just— stopped _rubbing_ him like that, maybe he'd be able to fucking _focus—_

"Oh, fuck," he gasped. In one swift motion, Minho had tugged Jisung's boxers down to his thighs and now had his hand in between the cheeks of Jisung's ass, fingers seeking greedily for Jisung's hole. 

"You know Minho always gives you what you want," Minho purred. The older boy pulled his hand away, reaching in front of both their bodies and holding his hand in front of Jisung's mouth. "Spit," he said. 

Jisung's cock twitched in Minho's hand. He loved this— loved when Minho told him what to do, loved knowing he was going to be taken care of. And that word— _"Spit"—_ was always the start of something good. It made him feel like the bar of the roller coaster had just locked in placed in his lap, and he was only going up from here. Up, up, up, and then the _drop._ He spit into his boyfriend's hand. 

"Up," Minho coaxed. Jisung obeyed, moving himself out of the slouched position he had been in previously when he was cuddling back against Minho and instead folding his legs on either side of Minho's lap. Minho guided his hand to Jisung's own erection and he took it, tugging at himself much more quickly than Minho had been, excited for what was to come. 

He didn't have to wait long. Minho pushed a finger inside him, nipping at the back of Jisung's neck at the same time. It made Jisung cry out. 

He had come to love this with Minho— this combination of pain and pleasure, the suffering and the release. He knew that no matter what kind of small, harmless pain Minho inflicted on him, Minho's lips and hands and words would be there seconds later, soothing and pleasuring and taking all the bite away. Jisung didn't care what it was, he just craved _feeling._

Minho fingered Jisung open on his lap, and after Minho reached around and pulled Jisung's hand away from his cock— Jisung was about to make himself come, and Minho could tell— and then gently pushed him forward on the bed so that Jisung ended up on his elbows and knees, ass pushed up in the air. The air was cold on his exposed skin, and Minho's fingers traced his goosebumps. "Love you," the older boy said, timing it with a particularly hard thrust of his fingers against Jisung's prostate. 

 _"Hnnn,"_ Jisung whined. _"Pleasepleaseplease—_ hyung, inside, inside—"

Jisung had gotten over his fear of bottoming a long time ago. Minho had been gentle with him, and the older boy’s cock wasn’t very big anyway. Now, they traded positions whenever they felt like it. And tonight, Jisung wanted to shut off his brain and do what he was told and get _filled_.

Almost as soon as the words left his lips, Minho was shoving the fingers of his other hand inside of Jisung’s mouth, so far down he gagged on them. That was exactly what Minho wanted— his fingers wiggled around deep in Jisung’s mouth, collecting the thick, viscous saliva that the throat produced when it was agitated. Jisung choked on his fingers until Minho was satisfied and pulled them out, coating his length with the spit. He did it again and again until Jisung could hardly breathe and his cock was throbbing, and then finally Minho was on his knees and hunched over Jisung’s body and then he was _in._

 _“Yessss—”_ Jisung groaned, lowering the front half of his body to rest against the bed, his back arched and pressing his ass back against Minho inside of him.

“Do you think Changbin would like to watch you right now?” Minho said in his ear, in between pants. “Dyou think he’d like the way you look, all pretty on Minho’s cock?” 

Minho’s length was filling him up, slamming into him again and again, and Jisung knew Minho was talking to him but he couldn’t understand any of the words. Whatever Minho was saying, he was saying it more for himself right now. “Watch you fall apart for me—” 

 _So close so close so close._ Jisung didn’t know if he was saying it out loud or just in his head. “Touch me,” he whined, his cock aching from rubbing against the rough sheets as Minho’s thrusts rocked him back and forth against the bed. “Wanna cum, hyung, fuck, please—”

For a second it seemed like Minho hadn’t heard him; the older boy just kept rocking his hips into Jisung’s, pace erratic and rushed now. But then Minho’s lips were touching the skin of his back and Minho’s hand finally, _finally_ wrapped around Jisung’s poor, swollen cock. Jisung pressed his face into the sheets and cried out, mind blank except for the electric feeling pulsing through his body. He was waiting, waiting for his favorite thing— it was so hard to hold out though, Minho’s small hand all wet and slippery with spit and precome, perfect for him to fuck into as Minho fucked into him. But he wanted it. Wanted to be full and leaking.

Then he felt it. Minho’s thrusts stopped being so fast and sloppy and started to become punctuated with deep, lasting moments of him burying himself to the hilt. That’s how Jisung knew he was close. He tried to help Minho along; he moaned his boyfriend’s name and grinded back against him— and then Minho pushed in without pulling back out, hand frozen on Jisung’s dick and his hips spasming in place as he filled Jisung with a load of come. 

Jisung tried to be good— tried to be still and wait for Minho to finish— but the feeling of Minho’s come filling up inside him, squelching as Minho twitched and it leaked from his hole— it was so _good_ — “So good, hyung, M-Minho, wanna— wanna _come_ —” 

Jisung was wiggling helplessly against the sheets, trying desperately to make Minho’s hand move again, so close to his own orgasm— and then Minho came out of his daze and started weakly fisting Jisung’s cock between their bodies and the bed, his movement cramped and awkward but _enough_ , and it only took seconds before Jisung was crying out and coming into Minho’s hand and all over the bed.

Minho flopped down next to him and rolled Jisung over to lay in his arms. He nuzzled his nose into Jisung’s hair, inhaling deeply.

“You smell good.”

“You’re gross.”

“I know.” 

And Jisung could feel Minho smile, and he knew that no matter what happened to him— no matter who else they let into their bed, into their lives— this was where he wanted to end up after everything. Always.

  
  
  
  
  
  


"How did you react?"

Jeongin tried to keep his voice steady. He hoped Seungmin wouldn't notice the unevenness of his breathing from the other bunk.

Seungmin groaned and covered his face with his hands. "Not very well, honestly…  I got… scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah, I don't know… I just… it's a lot, you know? I've always pushed those kinds of thoughts away. But then he told me, and— and it made me _feel_ things. And I got nervous and I said— fuck, I said _thank you."_  

Despite his racing heart, Jeongin burst out laughing. "He told you he loved you and you said _thank you_?! Oh, hyung. That's like, straight out of a romcom."

"I _know,"_ Seungmin groaned. "Fuck. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings…"

"You didn't," Jeongin said with conviction. Warmth blossomed in his chest as he went on. "Channie-hyung always knows what we mean, even if we don't say it right. He knows. And he—" Jeongin paused, the words getting all choked up inside of him. "He loves us," he said, quietly. 

Seungmin thankfully didn't notice Jeongin's sudden quietness and just sighed. "Yeah. You're right."

The room was silent for a few minutes. Jeongin was still trying to calm his racing heart when Seungmin spoke again. 

"So like, what does that mean, though?"

"What does _what_ mean?"

"He loves _all_ of us. What does he… want? Where does he think this will all go?"

The question sent a shiver through Jeongin's body. "He's polyamorous, right? Maybe he wants to… _be_ with all of us." His body was on fire, he couldn't stay still, wanted to get up and run to the room down the hall—

"Like, date all nine of us?"

Jeongin was barely listening to the words coming out of Seungmin's mouth now. He didn't respond, but Seungmin went on anyway. "Separately? Or would we be like him with Woojin and Changbin? All together? How would that even _work?"_

When he heard that, the whirlwind of thoughts in Jeongin's head suddenly went silent. _Is this really happening right now? Is this for real?_

Seungmin looked over at him, finally noticing Jeongin's silence. "Do you wanna date me, Innie?"

A snort escaped Jeongin's nose automatically, snapping him out of his whirlwind of thoughts. "No way," he said jokingly. "You're too mean."

Seungmin laughed, too, and both of them ended up in a fit of giggles, the tension broken. 

"We'll figure it out," Jeongin said when they finally calmed down. They weren't empty words— he believed they would. He believed in Chan and the other hyungs. Everything would work out. 

It always did. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Get _off,_ you big dumb brat!" 

"Make me!"

Seungmin yelped as Hyunjin pinned him down, post-practice sweat dripping from Hyunjin's face right onto Seungmin's skin. _"Gross!"_ Seungmin shrieked, unable to hold back the laughter bubbling up from his throat despite his mild annoyance.

Hyunjin laughed maniacally and held Seungmin's arms down so he couldn't escape. "I'm gonna get my sweat all over your sheets," he teased. He knew Seungmin _hated_ anything dirty on his bed. 

"Hwang Hyunjin, I swear, I will fucking kill you! Get _off!"_

The older boy just laughed again and sat back so he was straddling Seungmin's waist, looking down in glee at Seungmin struggling beneath him— and suddenly, Seungmin realized just how _trapped_ he was.

Seungmin was one of the tallest members in the group, but Hyunjin was just _bigger_ than him. The other boy felt large and solid, sitting on Seungmin's lower body like that, and Seungmin knew he wouldn't be able to escape no matter how hard he tried. 

His cock twitched. 

 _Fuck._ "Hyunjin, get _off,"_ he snapped, all of the playfulness gone from his voice. Hyunjin didn't notice at first and just kept laughing, bending forward and putting his weight on Seungmin's chest. When he saw Seungmin's face, though, Hyunjin's expression fell. 

"Minnie? What's—" Hyunjin shifted, starting to pull away from Seungmin's body, but as he did so his thigh brushed against Seungmin's crotch and Hyunjin froze. He looked down at Seungmin with wide eyes.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck._

"Seungmin? Are you—?"

Seungmin covered his face with his hands and groaned. "Please just get off me, Hyunjin," he begged.

Hyunjin scrambled to do as Seungmin asked, his long, awkward limbs knocking together clumsily with Seungmin's body as he pulled away and sat back against the wall, knees pulled up and eyes fixed on Seungmin. "Sorry," Hyunjin said softly. "I didn't know…."

Seungmin sighed, eyes fixed on the ceiling. "It's okay," he said evenly. "Will you just— go, please?"

His friend hesitated. "Minnie, it's… it's okay. It's not bad." Hyunjin reached out tentatively and rested his hand on Seungmin's shoulder. Seungmin went absolutely still. He couldn't process anything that was happening right now, couldn't understand why he was _hard,_ why his heart was racing and why Hyunjin's touch on his skin suddenly felt electric.

"Please leave me alone," he whispered. But Hyunjin didn't move. 

The other boy made a sound in his throat, something like a whimper. "I don't want to."

 _"Why?"_ Seungmin asked in anguish. 

"B-because—" Hyunjin shifted closer, moving his hand from Seungmin's shoulder to grasp Seungmin's hand instead. "You're not okay. I don't wanna— _leave_ you like this…" 

When Seungmin didn't pull away, Hyunjin scooted back to his side, trying to get as much contact as possible. That was how Hyunjin worked— he wanted to be close, wanted to feel connected. Seungmin knew this and let him, still unable to sort through all the jumbled thoughts in his head.

"Minnie," Hyunjin breathed quietly. He rested his forehead against Seungmin's. His skin was sweaty and hot. "Are you okay?"

"No," Seungmin mumbled. He turned his head away; covered his eyes with his arm. Now that the initial shock was over, he… he didn't want Hyunjin to leave. He was glad Hyunjin had stayed.

"Why not?" Hyunjin's hand was moving restlessly, fingers playing with Seungmin's limp ones. 

"I—"

Could he say it? The words were there, on the tip of his tongue, but saying it would make it… real. 

"I'm scared," he whispered.

Hyunjin reacted instantly. He borrowed closer to Seungmin, nuzzling his head into the crook of Seungmin's neck and wrapping his arms around him. "Why are you scared?"

"Because! This— this isn't supposed to be _okay."_

"Says who?" 

_"Everyone."_

"Well, everyone is stupid." Hyunjin pulled Seungmin's arm away from his face and looked at him. His eyes were so deep and dark, Seungmin wanted to look away. "I like Felix," Hyunjin said stubbornly. "And Jisung. And— and _you."_ Seungmin's heart skipped a beat. "Do you think I'm wrong?"

"Jinnie… of course not." Because it was true. Seungmin _didn't_ think Hyunjin was wrong. When it was other people, it was _fine._ But when it was himself—

"So why is it okay for me to like guys, but not for you? Seungmin, that's not fair. It's not fair to _you."_

"Because! I don't know! I'm just— I'm scared of what people will think, Hyunjin! I'm scared of what my _parents_ would say, what our fans— god, the fucking _company_ would do to us—"

"Don't worry about them," Hyunjin said ferociously, his voice almost a growl. "I'll protect you, Minnie. I'll fight anyone who _ever_ tries to hurt you." His grip around Seungmin tightened. 

Seungmin felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes and blinked them away. This was so overwhelming— Hyunjin's arms around him like they'd been so many times before but this time feeling _different,_ somehow, and the absolute fire in Hyunjin's words making Seungmin feel…. 

_Safe._

He let out a breath and his whole body relaxed. He looked up at Hyunjin, who had somehow made his way back on top of Seungmin's body. He slowly raised his arms and draped them around Hyunjin's neck. This position felt so… _intimate,_ but it felt _right._ "Jinnie," he whispered. "I believe you."

Hyunjin stared down at him, searching his face— and then he leaned down, and kissed Seungmin on the lips. 

Seungmin squeezed his eyes shut, body trembling. He told all the thoughts running through his head to shut up, and focused on the feeling of Hyunjin's lips against his. 

They were… soft. 

He'd never kissed anyone before. He thought he wouldn't know what to do with his lips, but he shouldn't have been so worried— everything felt natural. He puckered his lips slightly, pressing back against Hyunjin's. The other boy made a satisfied little noise and pulled a few centimeters apart to smile. He rubbed his nose against Seungmin's. 

"I like kissing you," Hyunjin said. 

Seungmin scowled, his cheeks reddening. "I like it, too," he mumbled. 

Hyunjin wiggled on top him, like an excited puppy. "So I can do it again?"

"...Fine," Seungmin said, trying to sound grumpy about it but unable to conceal his excitement, arms pulling his friend back down to join their lips together again. 

The kiss got sloppy quickly. Seungmin couldn't say he loved the wetness of Hyunjin's big lips spreading saliva all around his mouth, but the closeness of Hyunjin's body and the way it moved against Seungmin's own made up for it. When he felt Hyunjin's erection grow and press into him, he had a moment of panic and his eyes flew open.

“What’s wrong?” Hyunjin mumbled into the skin of his neck. He was sucking lightly just above Seungmin’s clavicle, not hard enough to leave a mark (Seungmin hoped). 

“I’m fine,” Seungmin said, clenching his jaw. Hyunjin noticed his sudden tension and pulled away. 

“Minnie,” Hyunjin pleaded. “Tell me.”

Seungmin closed his eyes. It was easier to say if he didn’t have to look. “Y-You’re— um, you know.” He opened one of his eyes a slit.

Hyunjin tilted his head, confused. “I’m what?”

Gulping, Seungmin pointed at Hyunjin’s crotch. When Hyunjin connected the dots, he let out a puff of laughter. “Cause I’m hard?” he asked, and Seungmin nodded. “Well, so are you,” Hyunjin pointed out.

 _Fuck._ He was right. 

Seungmin covered his face again in embarrassment. “Oh my god,” he mumbled. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Hyunjin moved himself to lay beside Seungmin. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked gently. His hand traced the skin of Seungmin’s exposed arms, giving him goosebumps. 

Silently, Seungmin shook his head from side to side. He couldn’t say it, but… he didn’t want Hyunjin to leave. He didn’t want this to stop.

When Hyunjin saw the shake of his head, he leaned in to kiss Seungmin again. His lips were so _soft._ “Seungminnie… I wanna make you feel good,” he whispered. “Can I?”

Once again, Seungmin answered with his body instead of his voice. He nodded, and Hyunjin exhaled in contentment. “Tell me if you want me to stop, anytime, okay?”

“Okay.”

So Seungmin laid back, closed his eyes, and promptly ascended to another plane of existence as Hyunjin gave him the first blowjob of his life.

Hyunjin was slow and gentle about it, kissing all over Seungmin’s skin as he undressed him. Seungmin shuddered in the cold air, and shuddered again at the touch of Hyunjin’s lips. Everything felt like it was happening in slow-motion, and his body seemed to feel everything with more intensity than he ever had before— the soft puff of air from Hyunjin’s breath against his skin, the drag of his boxers as Hyunjin pulled them down. The absolute shock of _pleasure_ as someone touched him between his legs for the first time ever. 

Hyunjin's fingertips trailed up Seungmin's length, wrapping around his shaft and enclosing it in the heat of his fist. Seungmin was already leaking precome and Hyunjin's hand slid easily down his length, making Seungmin let out a low, drawn-out moan. 

"I've barely touched you," Hyunjin giggled. 

"Shut up." Seungmin drew in a sharp breath. "Feels good."

"I know."

Hyunjin swiped more precome with his thumb and then used it to rub gently over the skin where Seungmin's head connected to his shaft. Seungmin clenched at the sheets— it felt _good._ He had no idea there were so many different ways to touch his cock. 

Hyunjin bent over and kissed the skin of Seungmin's hipbone. It sent a shiver straight up Seungmin's spine. His friend's lips were so close to his—

"Wanna taste you, Min."

Seungmin didn't answer, just put his hand in Hyunjin's hair and gently pushed him towards his erection. He had been nervous just a few minutes ago, but now arousal had taken him over and he could only focus on one thing. 

Hyunjin chuckled at his eagerness. "Okay, okay, I get it." And then he locked eyes with Seungmin, and took his entire length in his mouth.

 _"Fuck,"_ Seungmin hissed. His fingers tightened in Hyunjin's hair. _This is unreal._

The heat of Hyunjin's mouth around him was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. It was wet and slick and _warm_ , and Seungmin had no idea just what Hyunjin was doing but it felt _amazing._

"I— I'm gonna come so fast," Seungmin panted. "Hyunjin—"

Hyunjin's mouth popped off Seungmin's cock with a wet _pop._ "It's okay," he said. "You can come whenever. Just try and warn me first, okay?"

Seungmin didn't know if his brain would still be working by that time, but he nodded anyway. 

Hyunjin didn't break eye contact as he went down on Seungmin again, and Seungmin had never been so turned on. Hyunjin's plump, swollen lips surrounded his cock, sliding up and down his length. Every so often Hyunjin pulled off completely, opening his mouth and giving Seungmin a view of Seungmin's cockhead resting on Hyunjin's tongue before he swallowed it up again. It was absolutely obscene, and Seungmin's eyelids fluttered as he struggled to stay lucid. 

He could feel his orgasm building in the pit of his belly, even though it couldn't have been more than five minutes since Hyunjin had pulled his pants down. But he was past the point of caring. "H-Hyunjin," he moaned. "I—" He couldn't get the words out.

"Are you close?"

Seungmin nodded fervently, hands knotted in Hyunjin's hair. He couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't _think—_ and then Hyunjin swallowed him down to the base, letting Seungmin's cock hit the back of his throat, and that was all it took for Seungmin to lose it. He came, hips bucking up to push himself further into Hyunjin's mouth, and Hyunjin swallowed it all. 

When Seungmin finally stopped trembling, Hyunjin pulled off, wiping all the come and saliva from his mouth with the back of his hand and giving Seungmin a big, happy grin. He flopped down next to his friend, body all wiggling and hot, clinging to Seungmin. "Did it feel good?" he asked excitedly.

Seungmin nodded again, still breathing heavily. Hyunjin calmed a bit and reached out to caress Seungmin's cheek, suddenly tender. "Do you… feel okay?" he asked. "About— everything?"

The question made a new feeling take hold in Seungmin's chest. A warm, glowing feeling. He was so lucky, that he ended up with the people he did. People like Hyunjin.

"Yeah," he said, lifting his arm to let Hyunjin snuggle up against him. "I think I am."

"Good, cause you have to do me next time."

"Shut _up_ , you greedy brat."

Hyunjin wiggled again. "I'll be a brat for you," he said with a cheeky wink. 

And just like that they were right back where they started— wrestling around in Seungmin's bed, smiles on their faces and shrieks of laughter echoing down the hall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! I kind of wrote this in a rush so I hope it was okay. 
> 
> i have a question for you! since I switch POV so much, would you prefer if I put the person's POV before I start a new section? Or do you like figuring it out on your own?
> 
> let me know what you thought, and what kind of pairings/scenarios you want to see in future chapters! 🖤


	8. [announcement]

I will continue to write this fic as ot9. Nothing will change.

It won't be canon AU anymore, but I will never be able to forget him. Thank you for your understanding. 


	9. [ch8] christmas special - chan + everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan decides its time for the truth to come out, and takes all eight of the members on their own special christmas date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS.
> 
> this chapter is dedicated to everyone who is following this story. thank you for staying.
> 
> there are special scenes in here for my special friends! if I asked you about your ideal date, you'll find it somewhere in here. I love you all.
> 
> note: this chapter has caught up to the present day. also there's no porn in this one... just feels.

Chan had expected his secret to travel fast, once it was out. But he'd forgotten that the person he'd told it to was the second-most private people in the entire group, and the only person _he_ managed to tell it to was the number one most private. 

So, although Chan expected things to change overnight, they didn't. 

He waited. He waited for them to come to him-- whether with questions or kisses or something worse-- he waited. But Seungmin was aggressively normal when they were together. And then a week passed, and Chan was so disappointed, it started to show.

"Hyung…" 

Changbin was at his side, hand brushing shyly up against Chan's own. Chan blinked, realizing he'd been lost in thought.

"You keep letting the song loop again," Jisung called from his position curled up in the studio chair. "What's up with you today?"

Changbin's fingers interlaced with Chan's. "Hey Ji, maybe we should call it quits for today," Changbin suggested. "You wanna head home first? We'll clean up here."

Chan's heart thumped and he felt so, so grateful to have Changbin by his side. Every single one of the boys was special to him, but Changbin always seemed to know when Chan was struggling. The other boy always acted loud and silly, but he had a certain sensitivity none of the others quite understood. 

Jisung leapt up from the chair happily, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Awesome!" he trilled, always happy to get out of signing out of the studio and packing up the equipment. "See you at home!"

When the door shut, Changbin opened his arms. Chan folded into him immediately, draping himself over Changbin's smaller form and letting the other boy wrap his arms around Chan tightly. They didn't say anything for a while; just stood like that in silence. Unlike Woojin, Changbin wouldn't try and draw anything out of Chan. He would just wait, supporting Chan in his own quiet way until Chan was ready to talk.

"I have something I need to talk to you about," Chan said eventually, pulling away from the warmth of Changbin's arms. He sank back down into his chair. "You and Woojin."

"Are you gonna finally tell us that you have feelings for everyone?"

Chan choked on his spit. "Wh-- how did you know?" he croaked. 

Changbin gave him a look. "I didn't figure it out," he admitted. "Woojin told me he suspected it a while ago." He played with Chan's fingers. "We know you, hyung. We can see how you feel about all of them." Suddenly he giggled. "You think you're good at hiding things, but you're not."

 _They know._ It was hard for Chan to wrap his head around it. He'd been worrying for so long, worrying about how to tell them-- but they already knew. 

"What… what do you guys think?" Chan couldn't meet Changbin's eyes. He was scared of the answer.

"We love you," Changbin said simply. "Everything about you, hyung. We always knew you were poly. It wasn't such a stretch to realize you picked all of us for a reason."

The words took a moment to sink in, and when they did Chan felt a weight lifted from his shoulders. A weight he'd been carrying for a long, long time. 

He didn't realize he was crying until Changbin's arms were around him again, and they stayed like that, just silent and together, until his sniffles quieted and his tears dried on his cheeks. 

"Come on, hyung," Changbin said gently, rising to his feet. "Let's go home. We should talk to Woojin."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"You want them all to know, right?"

They were sitting on Woojin's bed, knees all clashing together on the narrow single mattress. Chan nodded. Woojin jiggled his knee a little, rubbing it against Chan's. He'd never seen Chan so nervous before. 

"Well… why don't you just tell them?"

"Like, another family meeting?"

Woojin thought for a moment, then shook his head. "This is big news. I think you should make it more… personal? Some of them might have questions, and it would probably be nice if it were just one on one."

"Take everyone on a date!" Changbin's voice was excited.

Chan's face lit up. "That's not a bad idea, Binnie." Woojin could see him mulling it over in his mind, knew Chan was working out the logistics. "I could fit everyone in over two days, maybe." He looked up at Woojin. 

"Thanks. Both of you."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

**JEONGIN**

"Will you go on a date with me?"

Jeongin dropped his spoon into his cereal with a splash. He stared at Chan, open-mouthed. 

Chan smiled and reached over to pluck Jeongin's spoon out of the bowl, wiping it off on a napkin and placing it gently back into Jeongin's hands. "I didn't mean to startle you," he said. 

Jeongin couldn't seem to form words. A violent blush had crept up his cheeks and he was staring down at the table, fiddling with his fringe. Chan caught his hand and interlaced their fingers together. Jeongin didn't usually like skinship, but he'd always liked to hold hands with Chan.

"I remember the first time I saw you," Chan said suddenly. The memory had just sprung up out of nowhere. "You walked in on my vocal lessons. Do you remember?" He might not. Jeongin had been so young then. 

But then long, slim fingers squeezed his own, and Jeongin spoke. "I do," he said quietly. "I was mortified."

"You looked like a little mouse," Chan said. "Your eyes were so wide and you looked terrified." He hummed. "I remember wanting to make you smile instead."

"You did," Jeongin said. "You asked me what class I was looking for. And told me where it was. And I could barely hear you because my heart was beating so crazy, but when I got into the hallway all I could think of was your face and-- I did smile."

Hearing it from Jeongin's point of view made Chan's heart warm. He had no idea the maknae was so affected by their first meeting-- maybe almost as much as Chan had been. It gave him hope. 

"So, what do you say?" Chan prompted. "Coffee date after this?"

"B-but-- you don't drink coffee."

"No, but I want to take you out."

Jeongin blushed again, but this time he looked less flustered and more… happy. "Yeah. Yeah, okay." He stood up and flashed Chan one of the brightest smiles he'd ever seen, which was saying something considering he lived with Felix. "I'll go get ready then!"

Chan smiled back. "I can't wait."

Forty-five minutes later, Jeongin emerged into the common area again, completely transformed from his messy bedheaded self from earlier. He was wearing the fluffy, light blue Versace sweater he'd bought just last week. Chan remembered how excited Jeongin was, since it was one of his first pieces of luxury clothing. 

"You look cute," Chan observed. He said it all the time, but this time there was none of the usual playfulness in his voice-- only real, true affection. He wanted to show Jeongin he was serious. 

He held out his arm, and Jeongin took it shyly. The younger boy clutched tight to him, not looking Chan in the eyes. "This is-- a _real_ date, right, hyung?"

"A real date, Jeongin. Just me and you."

Jeongin said nothing, but Chan could feel the warmth radiating from him like rays of sunshine on a bright summer day. 

  
  
  
  
  


The cafe was close to their dorm, but Jeongin's nose was still red from the cold by the time they arrived. Chan helped Jeongin out of his puffy coat, unwinding his huge scarf with a smile on his face. He had to reach up slightly to do it-- the tiny mouse he remembered was taller than him now-- but he didn't mind. 

"What do you want to order?" Chan asked when they were seated.

"Ummm.. I'll have a latte with oat milk." Lately dairy had been upsetting Jeongin's stomach, so he was exploring different options. 

"Okay!" Chan said, standing up. "I'll go order for us."

He returned five minutes later with the latte for Jeongin, a hot chocolate for himself, and a small, pretty plate full of cut fruit. 

"I just had breakfast, hyung," Jeongin said, eyeing the fruit. 

"It's second breakfast," Chan answered, plucking a slice of strawberry from the plate and popping it into his mouth, laughing at his little joke. Jeongin just tilted his head curiously. “Ah,” Chan said, leaning back in his chair. “Nevermind. How’s your coffee?”

“Good,” Jeongin answered, smiling into his cup. “Thanks, hyung.”

There was a short silence after that, where Jeongin avoided looking Chan in the eyes. Chan knew he was nervous.

“Anyway,” Chan started. Jeongin’s eyes darted towards him and away again, a small smile playing on his lips. “I wanted to tell you something.” He reached out across the table and took hold of one of Jeongin’s hands. His own hand was small compared to Jeongin’s long, slender fingers. He liked the contrast. 

“Jeongin,” he said, “I have feelings for you.”

Jeongin’s entire body went still. It looked like he didn’t dare draw breath. Everyone thought that Minho was the hardest to read out of all the members, but to Chan, it had always been Jeongin. The boy had two expressions: sunshine or stone, and they weren’t always relevant to what he was feeling at the time. Chan started to get worried.

“I--” he started--

“Me too.”

Now it was Chan’s turn to freeze. “What?”

Jeongin looked up at him then, and he looked scared but exhilarated at the same time, and the combination on his face was beautiful. “I said, me too.” 

Chan blinked at him. “Jeongin, I-- I honestly had no idea.” And it was true. He had a good read on most of the other members. But Jeongin had always been a closed book to him.

“Ever since that first day,” Jeongin said. “I crushed on you so bad. And I thought it would go away, but then you-- you _picked_ me, and it just got deeper and deeper and--” he paused, sniffing, slipping his hand out of Chan’s to wipe his eyes with his sleeve, “and I’ve been so _jealous_ , with you and-- you and the hyungs.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Chan said heavily, the pet name falling easily from his lips. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I didn’t… I never told you how I felt.” Jeongin took a long, shaky breath. “I was content to just… hold it in, you know? Because I thought you were… unattainable. You always flirted with all the girls so much…” 

Chan winced at the memory. He did have kind of a reputation as a trainee. 

“So I was okay, just being around you. Keeping my feelings to myself. But then, when you got with the hyungs, I… I felt like…” He didn’t go on.

“Like I was choosing them over you?” Chan offered quietly.

Jeongin’s eyes widened, and then he nodded. “Y-yeah…”

Sighing, Chan ran a hand through his curls. When Woojin suggested confessing to everyone one-on-one, Chan knew it might be hard. But he didn’t think it would be _this_ hard. His heart ached with the knowledge that he had ever caused Jeongin pain.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment. “I never… you know, I never thought any of this would be possible. So when things started… happening, with Woojin and Changbin, I just rushed into everything. I should have thought more about how it would affect you.” He looked into Jeongin’s eyes. “But I want to change that. If I can.”  
“What do you mean?” Jeongin looked like a child who was being told he could stay up past his bedtime-- cautiously excited, but worried it would just turn out to be a cruel trick. 

“Originally, I just wanted to tell you how I felt. But now that I know you feel the same… I want to be with you, Jeongin. I want to date.” Before Jeongin could answer, Chan rushed on. “But-- before you say anything, I need to tell you that I feel this way about _all_ the members. I-- I want to be with them, too. _And_ you. If you're okay with--"

"Yes."

Chan raised his eyebrows. "That was quick." He let out a soft laugh of relief. "You don't need to think about it?"

"Hyung, I… maybe you'll understand, one day." When he said those words, Jeongin sounded suddenly wise beyond his years, and Chan was reminded of all the different reasons he loved this boy. "I know you love the others, too. It's okay. I still want to be with you."

Those simple words opened a door for Chan; a door to the rest of his life.

And it was going to be so, so good.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

**SEUNGMIN**

The wind was chilly, and Chan pulled Seungmin closer against him. 

"Sorry," Chan said miserably. "I didn't know it would be this cold down here."

They were walking next to the river, and it was at least five degrees colder than it had been at the dorm.

Seungmin leaned into him with a content smile. "I don't mind," he said. "You're warm."

Despite himself, Chan blushed. Seungmin never realized how disarmingly charming he could be. He cleared his throat, kicking the leftover fallen leaves on the frost-covered grass. 

"So I just wanted to… spend some time with you," Chan said. "We haven't had a chance to talk much after last week." It was his way of saying he'd noticed Seungmin being withdrawn, without actually calling him out on it.

Seungmin looked down at his feet. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry. I just… I had a lot to think about."

"It's okay, Seungmin. You don't have to be sorry for anything." Chan reached down to take Seungmin's hand in his own. Seungmin's hand was cold, and Chan brought it to his lips to try and warm it. "I just wanted to check on you."

"Thanks, hyung." And when Seungmin said it, Chan knew he meant it. Seungmin never said anything he didn't mean. The other boy was always careful of his words. "I… I was with Hyunjin the other night."

"Oh?" Chan was careful to sound non-committal, but his interest was piqued. If Seungmin meant what Chan thought he meant, it _definitely_ wasn't what he expected to hear. 

Seungmin smiled to himself, and Chan's heart warmed at the thought of the people he loved making each other happy. "Yeah. He..  helped me work through some things. Things I wasn't sure about before."

Questions were burning on Chan's tongue, but he held them in. "I'm glad."

They walked in silence for a while. Seungmin's hair shone beautiful and ash-blonde in the strong winter sun, and his cheeks and nose were rosy from the cold. Chan had to stop himself from staring on multiple occasions-- Seungmin had just grown into himself so well lately, and it was hard to look away from his radiance. 

"I think it'll work, hyung."

Chan nearly tripped. "Hm?"

Seungmin stopped, pulling slightly on Chan's hand to signal him to stop, too. The younger boy looked up at Chan, and he looked so happy and carefree that Chan wanted to kiss him right there.

"Us. All of us. I think it'll work out."

Chan pulled him close, and the wind dried his tears on his cheeks before they ever had a chance to fall.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

**FELIX**

They stood in front of the theater, craning their necks upward to read the scrolling neon letters. 

"Literally everything is sold out until midnight," Felix observed. 

Chan frowned. "I had no idea the movies would be so crowded this close to Christmas." He wrapped his arms around Felix and the other boy giggled. 

"It's okay, hyung." Felix wiggled back and forth in Chan's arms, like an excited little puppy. "I'm just happy you asked me on a date in the first place."

When Chan had asked him, Felix had been so confused. It had taken Chan four tries to convince Felix that it was a _real_ date, not just hanging out as friends. 

"I thought you would brozone me forever," Felix went on, chuckling to himself. "Even the fans were making fun of me for it."

"Hey!" Chan sputtered. "I had _no_ idea you were flirting with me that whole time. You're that way with everyone!"

Felix rolled his eyes. Chan couldn't see it from his backhugging position, but he just _knew._ "Well, maybe I'm flirting with everyone."

That gave Chan pause. He pulled back and Felix spun around so they were facing each other, Chan searching Felix's face for answers. "Are you?"

Felix just shrugged. "Not in the beginning. But…" He trailed off, glancing around them at all of the people in the crowded theater. It gave Chan an idea. 

"Hey, there's a Christmas market near here, right? How about we check that out instead?"

Felix's eyes lit up, and they looked like stars. Chan would do anything to put that look of wonder and excitement on Felix's face. Anything. 

"Yeah!" Felix exclaimed. "The one Minho-hyung mentioned! Can we really go?"

"Of course," Chan said. "Anything you want, Lixie."

  
  
  
  
  


The market was only a ten minute walk from the theater, and it was less crowded than Chan expected-- and _definitely_ less crowded than the theater. This was the first year the city was hosting the German-themed Christmas market, and Chan was actually glad to have a chance to check it out.

It was amazing. The small square was decorated with light-up figures suspended in the air, and small, brightly lit stalls lined the street. Felix’s eyes darted everywhere, full of wonder, and Chan bought him everything the other boy pointed at. 

When Felix’s hands were full of bags of sugared almonds, gingerbread cookies, and a steaming cup of mulled wine, they finally found a place to sit and enjoy their treats. 

Felix was still looking up at the elaborate decorations in awe, popping almonds into his mouth. “This is amazing,” he said. He took a sip of the wine and squirmed with happiness. “I’ve always wanted to do something like this.” His eyes broke away from the market to meet Chan’s. “Thank you for bringing me here, hyung.”

“Thank you for being my date.”

That made Felix blush. “I still can’t believe this is happening.”

They couldn’t kiss in public, but Chan pulled Felix into a hug, holding him close and stroking Felix’s soft hair. “I’m sorry it didn’t happen sooner.”

The other boy just leaned into the hug and hummed, nuzzling his head against Chan’s neck, and when he spoke Chan could hear the smile in his voice.

“Better late than never.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

**JISUNG**

“Need anything else?”

Chan passed the mug of hot chocolate to Jisung, who was bundled up in a mountain of at least four blankets on Chan’s bed. Only his eyes and the top of his head were peeking out, until his hand wiggled its way out of the mound to clutch the mug. 

Jisung shook his head happily. “Nope! ‘M good!” 

Chan couldn’t help but coo at the sight. Jisung didn’t usually give Chan this kind of soft, protective feeling-- usually Jisung was hyper and fun, or serious when they were working on music together-- but there was just something about Jisung when he was at home, surrounded by soft things, that changed the other boy. 

Carefully, so as not to disturb Jisung’s carefully constructed blanket cocoon, Chan settled himself on the bed. Jisung looked at him for a moment, and then, after some more wiggling, an opening appeared in the mountain. 

“Get under the blankets with me,” Jisung said. 

Chan was already too warm, but he couldn’t say no. So he moved closer, until they were both snuggled up tight together. Jisung’s fluffy-socked feet rubbed against Chan’s legs. “Good,” Jisung mumbled. “I like this.”

It had been… not _hard,_ exactly, but definitely a little nerve-wracking for Chan to ask Jisung to spend the night with him. Jisung was the only one who hadn't been love at first sight-- no, he was _competition._

Chan had been the golden boy of JYP for so long when Jisung showed up. He basically owned the entire trainee division, and nobody was better than him at producing _or_ rapping.

Nobody, until Han Jisung. 

Chan wasn't jealous. That wasn't his personality. He was _motivated._ The talented, fiery little ball of energy ignited Chan's sense of competition, and it wasn't until they started working together as a team that the feelings of rivalry turned suddenly into feelings of admiration, and then slowly but certainly into love. 

So now, as they sat cuddled up together under way too many blankets, Chan found Jisung's hand and took a deep breath.

"Have I ever told you that I love you?"

Because honestly, he wasn't sure he ever had. 

Jisung looked at him. "No. Do you?"

"Yeah." Chan squeezed Jisung's hand, his heart racing. "Yeah, I do."

Jisung just snorted and wiggled down further into the blankets, resting his head on Chan's shoulder. 

"Good," he said simply. "Me, too."

It was simple, but it was enough. Chan could explore exactly what Jisung meant later. For now, he let Jisung pick whatever he wanted on Netflix, and was content to just be by his side. He handed Jisung tissues when the other boy cried at the cheesy drama he'd picked, and when the movie was over, Chan was surprised by Jisung's lips pressing against his own in a quick little peck.

"Love you, hyung."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

**HYUNJIN**

"You really want to do _that_ as a date?"

Hyunjin nodded enthusiastically. Chan just laughed and shrugged, an amused smile on his face. "Well, whatever makes you happy."

"It'll be fun, I promise!" Hyunjin said. He laid back down on his bed and made grabby hands towards Chan. "Go get your laptop," he instructed.

Chan shook his head and chuckled to himself as he did what Hyunjin ordered. Hyunjin could be so bossy sometimes. It was cute. 

Five minutes later, Chan was laying next to Hyunjin in Hyunjin's bed, the younger boy's head pillowed on Chan's arm and Hyunjin opening a million different tabs on Chan's laptop. 

"Ohh, this one looks cute. Don't you think?"

A delicate silver earring pair filled up the screen. A small pearl hung at the end of the dangling silver chain. It would look beautiful on Hyunjin.

"You like pearls, don't you?" Chan said. He played with Hyunjin's hair. "It is cute. It suits you."

Hyunjin beamed. "You think so?" He brought a finger up to his mouth. "It's so delicate though. This kind of thing usually looks better on Felix."

"Felix would look good in it, too," Chan agreed. "But so would you."

Hyunjin's mouth was a straight, uncertain line. "I dunno…"

Chan pulled the laptop toward him and clicked _add to cart_. 

"Hey, hyung-- oh?" Hyunjin looked confused as Chan upped the quantity to 2. He looked at Chan, eyes questioning.

"How about you and Felix have matching ones? Like couple earrings."

Hyunjin's eyes immediately filled with tears. "Hyunnnng," he whined. 

"What, what's wrong?" Chan immediately worried he had done something wrong. Had Felix and Hyunjin had a fight without Chan noticing?

The other boy rolled on his side and buried his face in Chan's chest. "You're too nice," he said, voice muffled. 

Chan laughed and slid the laptop to the side so he could wrap his arms around Hyunjin's sniffling form. "Jinnie," he said. "Would you-- one day, would you want to have couple's jewelery with me, too?"

Hyunjin lifted his head to peek at Chan. "You mean…?"

"Yeah. I want us to be a couple, Hyunjin. One day."

"And Felix, too?" Hyunjin asked. "And… Woojin and Changbin?" 

Chan bit his lip. He was surprised that Hyunjin was the first person to bring up the group dynamics. "Honestly, I haven't figured all of that out yet. I do love every one of you. And some of you have feelings for each other, too, but I'm not sure how that will all end up." He thumbed away the tear tracks on Hyunjin's cheeks. "But I do know that I love you, and I want to be with you. Regardless of what else happens."

It took a long time for Hyunjin to stop crying, and even when he did, he refused to leave Chan's side. He barely spoke another word, but Chan knew the clinginess was Hyunjin's way of expressing his feelings. And Chan was more than happy to be clung to. 

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**CHANGBIN**

"Anything I want?" 

Changbin's eyes were sparkling. 

"Anything you want, baby," Chan cooed, looking Changbin up and down. The other boy had insisted on dressing up when Chan asked if he wanted to go on a shopping date, and Chan would be lying if he said he didn't appreciate the other boy's efforts. Changbin was wearing his favorite black jeans, with his newest Comme des Garçons shirt and a long, black peacoat. He'd been wearing Converse a lot lately, and today he'd chosen a black pair with red details. He looked edgy and stylish and hot, and the difference between his sharp appearance and soft, cute personality made the whole thing even better. 

Changbin bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, excited. He pulled on Chan's hand. "Let's go to RIPNDIP first!"

They spent the next two hours at the mall, Changbin dragging Chan from shop to shop and Chan flashing his card for everything the boy piled on the checkout counter. By the end of it, Chan's arms were full of shopping bags, and the smile on Changbin's face was worth every single won. 

Before they left, they stopped at the food court for ice cream. Changbin picked strawberry.

"How's it going with everyone, hyung?" Changbin asked, licking the pink cream from his lips. 

Chan bit at his cone, thinking. "Really good," he said eventually. Because it was. "I never thought I would ever be here, you know? Confessing my feelings to eight different people, and having them accepted. And even _reciprocated."_ He shook his head in disbelief. "It's amazing."

"It's cause it's you, hyung," Changbin said. "Everyone loves you."

Chan felt himself blush. "Stoppp," he protested half-heartedly. 

Changbin stopped eating to look Chan in the eyes. "I'm serious. Channie… nobody else could make this work. It's all because of you."

Changbin always acted like the baby. He whined and joked and pouted to get what he wanted, but that wasn't his only side. He was also strong, and thoughtful, and _kind,_ and looking into his eyes right now in the middle of the shopping mall food court, Chan was reminded why he was so deeply in love with Seo Changbin.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

**MINHO**

When Chan asked Minho to go on a date, Minho flat out refused. Chan stood there, red in the face, until Minho elbowed him gently. 

"I'm teasing you," Minho said with a small smile. Relief flooded through Chan along with a surge of love. 

His first encounter with Minho wasn't the first time they met. Chan had gone to the open practice room before a junior class to give something to his friend, and when he saw the new boy dancing, he literally stopped in his tracks. 

Chan had been with JYP for six years. He'd seen tons of people come and go, and he'd seen enough to know that dancing took more than just skill. There are people who are technically good at dancing-- and then there are people who were just _born_ for it.

Minho danced like his body was finally free. Free to move as it wanted, free to be beautiful and fluid and strong. When he stopped, it was someone had suddenly turned the gravity back on, and his limbs were once again rooted to the Earth. 

Chan had been so flustered he'd left the class without seeing his friend at all. 

He was intimidated, but it turned out that he shouldn't have been. He and Minho met for real the next day, and Minho talked to him like they'd been friends for years. He'd never felt comfortable around another person so quickly before, and although they didn't spend much time together, when they met again it was like no time had passed. 

"I'll go if you take me to the cat cafe," Minho said. "I haven't seen Pepero in a while."

"They have a cat named Pepero?"

Minho flashed him a smile as he grabbed his coat, already on his way towards the door. "She's a queen. I'll introduce you. Come on."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Chan knew Felix loved this place, but now he finally realized why Minho loved it, too. Half of the cafe was dedicated to cats. 

Minho fit right in, walking in like he was coming home and falling into place amidst the lounging cats. "Will you bring me an Americano?" Minho asked, his attention already focused on a fluffy white cat that had come up to investigate him.

"Sure," Chan said with a laugh. He was enjoying being ordered around today, at the beck and call of the people he loved. It was nice to make other people happy.

He returned shortly with an Americano in one hand and a pack of the sweets he knew Minho liked in the other. When Minho glanced up, he frowned. 

"Where's your drink?"

"You know I don't like coffee."

Minho sipped his drink and eyed Chan thoughtfully. Suddenly he held it out. "Have some of mine."

"I just said I don't like it," Chan said, just a little confused. While Jisung could understand Minho in any situation, sometimes Chan was lost. 

"Not even for me?"

Minho's eyes were heavy-lidded and his mouth was slightly open as he looked up at Chan through his lashes. A shiver ran down Chan's spine, and he shook his head to clear it. "Are you testing me?"

"Yes."

Chan rolled his eyes, then grabbed Minho's hand and brought the drink to his lips. He gave a quick suck through the straw, keeping eye contact with Minho the entire time. 

"There," he said, letting go. "Happy?'

A grin broke out on Minho's face. "You really do love me, then."

Something in his tone told Chan he wasn't joking. "You know already?"

Minho nodded. "Jisung told me. And all the other boys have been talking, too."

Chan wanted to ask what they'd been saying, but he held back. It wasn't his place to find out secondhand through Minho.

"Well, it's true. I have feelings for you."

Minho sipped his coffee, one hand gently scratching under the white cat's chin. He was silent for so long Chan almost thought the other boy had forgotten about him.

When Minho finally spoke, his voice was quiet.

"I need time."

Chan's heart sank, but not too much. He wasn't exactly surprised. 

"I love Jisung," Minho went on. "I know that. I thought he would be the only person I ever loved." The white cat got up and stretched, then plodded carefully over to Minho's lap and settled down into a fluffy white ball. "But… lately, that's changing." A small smile flitted across his lips, and knowing what he did, Chan felt happy for Changbin. 

Finally, Minho made eye contact with Chan. His gaze was unwavering and intense, and Chan was reminded of just how beautiful Minho was. It gave him chills. 

"I like you, hyung. That's all I can say for now. But… I want to get to know you better."

Chan smiled. This was the last piece of his giant, complicated puzzle, and it was coming together much more easily than he could have ever imagined. 

He reached out to scratch the cat between her ears, and he felt Minho's smile on him. "Thank you, Minho."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

**WOOJIN**

"Okay, grab your jacket."

Chan looked up from his phone in surprise. "Huh?"

Woojin stood in their shared doorway, already dressed and ready to go.

"You're hungry, right? I'm taking you out."

"Wh-- but-- _I_ was gonna--"

Woojin smiled at him. "We can do whatever you planned, too. But first, I'm gonna take you out for dinner." 

His heart started thumping in his chest. For someone who had never been in a serious relationship before, Woojin was a great boyfriend.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"You must be tired."

Woojin was staring at him over the table grill, his expression soft and concerned. His big hand found Chan's under the table and grasped it.

As soon as Woojin asked it, Chan realized that he was. The past two days had been exhausting-- but completely worth it.

"I am," he admitted. "But I'm so glad I did it. I feel like this giant weight has been lifted off my chest, a weight that had been there for so long I couldn't even remember what it was like without it."

Woojin plucked the meat from the grill and started loading it onto Chan's plate. "I can tell," he said. "You seem happier."

"It's all because of you," Chan said. "Your advice was brilliant." He brought a piece of meat to his mouth, and suddenly realized he was starving. His chopsticks moved faster, plucking garlic from the grill and another piece of meat, stuffing it all in his cheeks. As he chewed, he heard Woojin's laughter.

"I like watching you eat," Woojin said. 

Chan swallowed. "Kinky."

Woojin laughed and rolled his eyes. "Not like that. I just… I like seeing you happy, Chan."

Chan set his chopsticks down and this time he was the one reaching out for Woojin's hand. "Kim Woojin," he said, "you make me happy every day. Every single day."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**EXTRA**

"Surprise!"

Chan stopped in his tracks. Woojin's hands gently urged him forward, into the living room.

The space had been transformed while they were gone. Twinkling Christmas lights lined the walls, and their little Christmas tree had been dragged to the middle of the room.

And, arranged in a circle around the tree, were his presents.

All of the members were sitting together, huge, shining plastic bows fixed to their hair or their chests or just sitting in their laps. Next to him, Woojin pulled a bow from his bag and stuck it right on top of his head. It looked ridiculous, and Chan couldn't help but laugh. 

"Merry Christmas," Woojin whispered, leaning in for a quick peck on Chan's lips. 

The rest of the boys heard, and they all jumped up to join in. 

"Merry Christmas, hyung!"

"We're your presents!"

"Do you like it?"

"Woojin-hyung thought of it--"

"You guys took _so long_ at dinner, we've been waiting forever--"

Their chatter blended together, and Chan could no longer tell who was saying what. Their arms were around him and their lips kept finding his cheeks, and of course he was crying and couldn't even make himself stop when Hyunjin started crying, too.

He didn't know how he ended up here, and he didn't know where they were going next. But it didn't matter. Because he was here, and the people he loved knew his secret, but they were still here, too.

They stayed. And that was more than he ever could have hoped for. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! if you enjoyed it, please drop me a comment, even if it's super short! little things make my day.


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